posted
My cousin Darla sent me this (copied from the Fresno Bee. Patronize them as much as you can.
Cute (and, from what I know of cats, accurate! )
How to Give Your Cat a Pill
Pick up the cat and cradle it on your left arm. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to his cheeks. When cat opens up, pop pill into mouth.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Repeat the process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Remove second pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open, and push pill to back of throat with forefinger.
Retrieve pill from Goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, immobilizing front and rear paws. Ask assistant to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's throat. Flick pill down ruler with forefinger, and rub cat's throat vigorously.
Retrieve cat from living-room curtain valance.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines from hearth. Remove third pill from wrapper.
Wrap cat in beach towel, and ask for assistant to lie prone on cat with cat's head visible under assistant's armpit. Put pill in end of paper tube you have made for this purpose.Then, force cat's mouth open with pencil, and blow.
Check label to make sure pill is not lethal to humans. Sip water to take taste away. Apply bandage to assistants forearm.
Retrieve cat from neighbor's roof. Remove fourth pill from foil. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on cat's neck and head outside cupboard. Force mouth open and flick pill down with rubber band.
Fetch screwdriver from garage, and put cupboard back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek.
Drop off cat, along with a generous donation, at animal shelter, and adopt goldfish.
------------------ "It is required of every man," the Ghost returned, "that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world -- oh, woe is me! -- and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!" -- Jacob Marley's Ghost (A Christmas Carol -- Charles Dickens) http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm
------------------ If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself! ~C. Montgomery Burns
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