TO ALL PERSONNEL

SUBJECT: ABSENTEEISM

It has been brought to my attention that the attendance record of this department is a disgrace to our gracious benefactor, who, at your own request, has given you your job with so fine a company. It has become necessary for us to revise some of our policies. The following changes are in effect as of today.

SICKNESS: NO EXCUSE� We will no longer accept you Doctor�s statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to go to the Doctor you are able to come to work.

DEATH: (Other than your own) This is no excuse �� there is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else with a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon, we shall be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of the work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.

LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For an operation) We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation as we believe that as long as you are an employee here, you will need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.

DEATH: (Your own) This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like a two week notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

Also, entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we shall follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with �A� will go from 8:00 �� 8:15, �B� will go from 8:15 to 8:30, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again.

With Much Appreciation

Your Boss