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Author Topic: Mr. Bush's School Report
Jay the Obscure
Liker Of Jazz
Member # 19

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The Blogging of the President: 2004 posts this funny piece.

quote:
Dear Mr. and Mrs. G.H.W. Bush,

Once again, it is that time of year when we update the parents of our students on their child's progress, and we regret to inform you that your son, Georgie, is not doing as well as we'd hoped and expected when he embarked on his four-year program at our school.

As you are well aware, Georgie was installed as class president at the start of the school year, despite the fact that the majority of his fellow students did not vote for him. We foresaw problems immediately, but were assured by several school board members (who, as we understand it, are friends of your family) that this would not result in any real difficulty. Unfortunately, they have been proven wrong.

In the area of scholastic achievement, despite our best efforts, Georgie is still reading and speaking at a grade level far below our usual standards.. At this point, we are not sure if his failure to learn is due to laziness and a lack of ability to apply himself to his studies, or if he simply lacks the intellectual capacity to improve in these areas.

His oral presentations to the class are particularly troubling; it is apparent that Georgie has not read the necessary materials, and he often simply fabricates facts to hide this shortcoming. In oral exams, he tends to repeat the same answers over and over, e.g. "The economy is good; jobs are on their way," indicating a profound failure to keep up with the Current Events portion of the curriculum.

Georgie also tends to fabricate elaborate stories about himself - which, admittedly, can sometimes be very amusing. During a school celebration last May, he delighted his fellow students by coming to class in a little "flight suit" (just like the grown-ups wear!), and had everyone in stitches with his story about the family dog having eaten his report card from military pre-school!

On the whole, however, Georgie does not play well with other children. His "leadership" in the classroom continues to divide many students, one against the other. Other study groups, such as our French and German-language classes, are no longer willing to cooperate with Georgie's group, even though they have traditionally done so in the past.

Your son also displays a lack of taking responsibility for his failings, and seems unable to appreciate the consequences of his actions. Although he was provided with the best textbooks on the subjects of the Economy, Job Creation, The Environment, et cetera, these books were damaged or completely destroyed within a matter of months. Georgie insists that he "inherited" these books in poor condition, despite all evidence to the contrary. (In fact, these same textbooks were previously used by one of our very best students, who actually returned them in better condition than he found them!)

During his first few weeks with us, Georgie quickly became part of a group of other "problem students." Despite warnings, he has consistently befriended children whom we consider to be "bad elements," such as Little Kenny Lay and a foreign-exchange student named Chalabi. Both of these youngsters have been expelled from other schools due to their involvement in cheating other students out of their lunch money. We feel that these kinds of relationships can only lead to no good, and hope that you will advise your child accordingly.

Georgie often displays aggressive behaviour in the schoolyard, and recently assaulted a student in another school district, completely unprovoked. When asked about this incident, Georgie insisted that the other child was armed and dangerous. When investigation into the matter proved otherwise, Georgie changed his story several times: he was just trying to "democratize" the other child, the other child's school was harboring gang members, and so on. Quite frankly, his story on this topic has so changed from week to week, we simply can't trust his word at all anymore.

Georgie's friends, while not great in number, are very loyal, but tend to be over-protective. If any of the other students point out Georgie's failing grades, these friends simply shout them down and tell them not to speak at all. When Georgie was summoned to the principal's office several weeks ago, he insisted that his "best friend" come with him. We feel that it is in Georgie's best interest to learn to stand up for himself; failure to do so could seriously damage his ability to handle a leadership role in his adult years.

As you are aware, final exams will be held in November, and Georgie's past performance leads us to conclude that he will not be able to achieve the grades necessary to continue on with another four-year term at our institution.

Yours Truly,
Ms. J.Q. Public,
Assistant Principal



--------------------
Great is the guilt of an unnecessary war.
~ohn Adams

Once again the Bush Administration is worse than I had imagined, even though I thought I had already taken account of the fact that the Bush administration is invariably worse than I can imagine.
~Brad DeLong

You're just babbling incoherently.
~C. Montgomery Burns

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Curry Monster
Somewhere in Australia
Member # 12

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quote:
As you are aware, final exams will be held in November, and Georgie's past performance leads us to conclude that he will not be able to achieve the grades necessary to continue on with another four-year term at our institution.

If only.
Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33

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Naw, even if he gets a grade of 45% on the exam, there is a good chance that he will still pass.

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"And slowly, you come to realize, it's all as it should be, you can only do so much. If you're game enough, you could place your trust in me. For the love of life, there's a tradeoff, we could lose it all but we'll go down fighting...." - David Sylvian
FreeSpace 2, the greatest space sim of all time, now remastered!

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Jason Abbadon
Rolls with the punches.
Member # 882

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If he's in Florida (Jeb's state) he'll get passed as long as he can pass the standardized test called FCAT. The program is called "no child left behind" and allows students to take a standardized test in English, Spanish or Creole instead of being held back due to poor performance during the year.

This is somehow considered a good thing.

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Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering.
-Aeschylus, Agamemnon

Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Jason Abbadon
Rolls with the punches.
Member # 882

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Double post-for extra credit, of course. [Wink]

--------------------
Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering.
-Aeschylus, Agamemnon

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newark
Active Member
Member # 888

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The Chronicle, a local newspaper, has published a poll which shows the president's popularity at 39%. If the poll numbers continue to decline, the only group supporting Mr. Bush will be his hard core supporters. Ironically enough, this is the very group our president is focueed on winning.
Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
deadcujo
Spectator
Member # 13

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He's my hero.

--------------------
Picard: Mr. Crusher, what's our maximum speed this week?
Wesley: [checking manual] Uh, 9.4, sir.
Picard: Very good. Take us to Warp 9.8 then.
Wesley: Aye, sir. Warp 9.2 it is.

Registered: Mar 1999  |  IP: Logged
Nim
The Aardvark asked for a dagger
Member # 205

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WHEN OUTLAWS RULED THE EAST AND FEAR FILLED THE LAND,
A CRY WENT OUT FOR A MAN WITH GUTS TO TAKE THE WEST IN HAND,
THEY NEEDED A MAN WHO WAS BRAVE AND TRUE, TOOK JUSTICE FOR ALL AS HIS AIM,
THEN OUT OF THE SUN RODE A MAN WITH A GUN, AND GEORGE WAS HIS NAME,
GEOOORGE WAAAS HIS NAAIAAME!
HE HAD A BLAZING WADDLE, HE WORE A SHINING STAR,
HIS JOB, TO OFFER BATTLE TO BAD MEN NEAR AND FAAAR.
HE CONQUERED FEAR AND HE CONQUERED HATE, HE TURNED DARK NIGHT INTO DAAAY,
HE MADE HIS BLAZING WHITEOUT, A TOOORCH TOOO LIIIGHT THAAA WAAAY!!! *whipcraque!!*

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Nim
The Aardvark asked for a dagger
Member # 205

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Mmm...
Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged
Vacuum robot lady from Spaceballs
astronauts gotta get paid
Member # 239

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You're getting a punch as soon as I find an extra.
Registered: Oct 1999  |  IP: Logged
Lee
I'm a spy now. Spies are cool.
Member # 393

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Hooray! It's Colin! 8)

--------------------
Never mind the Phlox - Here's the Phase Pistols

Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged
Jason Abbadon
Rolls with the punches.
Member # 882

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quote:
Originally posted by Nim the Merciful:
Mmm...

What? The sherriff's near?

--------------------
Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering.
-Aeschylus, Agamemnon

Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
   

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