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***WARNING. THE FOLLOWING HUMOR IS ALMOST CERTAIN TO OFFEND MANY OF YOU ON AT LEAST ONE LEVEL. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.*** . . . . . I have decided to embrace Cat-ism.
I have been reliably informed that My Cat is the Creator of All Things.
My Cat, who goes by the name of Kattus Magnus, created the universe, complete with the illusion of extreme age, a week ago Thursday. All of your memories prior to that point have been implanted. Kattus is testing your faith.
The evidence is there, Written by Me just this morning, contained in the Gospel of Kattus, written under direct supervision and with the blessing of Kattus himself (No waiting until 80-100 years after-the-fact for THIS prophet!)
But there's more! Kattus Magnus, desiring to give His followers more incentive for belief, has generously allowed His PICTURE to be taken! I have the developed film, right here! PROOF!!!
You may ask yourself, "What does Kattus want from me?" Well, the answer is simple. Kattus loves you, and wants nothing more than your love and obedience. And catnip. LOTS of catnip. And chew toys. And for you to construct cat-houses for Him to manifest His presence, and for His Earthly emmisaries to come and go as they see fit. And offerings of Tuna. Kitty litter Thou shalt clean daily. Thou shalt not suffer a "bad dog" to live. If thy cat-friend shall shred thy left couch leg, giveth Him thy right also.
May Kattus Magnus bless you and keep you. Death to the Infidel.
------------------ "When we turn our back on our principles, we stop being human." -- Janeway, "Equinox"
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JEM said "What I find most disturbing is that I can't think of any rational way to prove that the cat isn't exactly what it claims to be."
O come now if the this cat is supernatural being then the best way to prove it is try to kill it in some way(but don't drop it off a building that doesn't work on normal cats, not to mention the creator Cat), and if you are dead the next morning, well perhaps you cat is the creator
------------------ HMS White Star (your local friendly agent of Chaos:-) )
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HMS White Star: Kattus forgives those who slay, or try to slay, Him. They know not what they do. Kattus's body is only of the flesh, and He returns again renewed, in the form of a different cat. It's all there in the book.
------------------ "When we turn our back on our principles, we stop being human." -- Janeway, "Equinox"
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Interesting. I think my Cat actually does believe this, too.
------------------ "S`io credessi che mia rispota fosse A persona che mai tornasse al mondo, Questa fiamma staria senza piu' scosse. Ma perciocche` giammai di questo fondo Non torno` vivo alcun, s`i`odo il vero, Senza tema d`infamia ti rispondo." - Dante`
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Cool reincarnation, well use the way a sect of Zen Buddism uses to stop there journey on the wheel of life, burn it alive, or worse, yet only feed it cheap cat food, no catnip ever .
------------------ HMS White Star (your local friendly agent of Chaos:-) )
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You know, this reminds me a little of a Viking story. Well, not a story, exactly, but a historical tale.
Anyway, when the Vikings first found their way to the New World, they were more than a little apprehensive about the native population. Were they demons? Gods? Only one way to be sure. Kill them. Hence, the true Viking way to determine the value of any religion is to attempt to destroy the deity responsible for it. If you can kill it, it isn't a god.
It's rather interesting to see a similar pattern in other religions. Obviously, we have the Christ example, where God dies but does not die. There is also the Buddist saying "When you find the Buddha, kill the Buddha." Or words to that effect.
We also have the aforementioned Norse example of creating the world out of the slain body of a primordial supernatural being. Or Greek myths, wherein Zeus kills his father Cronus as Cronus killed his father Uranus. (I think I've got the order right there.)
My point? Well, death and godhood are often linked in the human psyche. Beyond that, I don't really have one.
------------------ "Hey Mr. Boo, fly away home. Your house is so lovely, your children so nice." -- Hello (The Band)
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