How to be a good Liberal

1.You have to believe that the same teacher who can�t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

2.You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

3.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

4.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth�s climate and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

5.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand; in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

6.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

7.You have to believe that hunters don�t care about nature, but some activists who�ve never been outside of Seattle do.

8.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

9.You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

10.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

11.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

12.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

13.You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn�t worked anywhere it�s been tried, is because the right people haven�t been in charge.

14.You have to believe that parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected while public display of religious images should be illegal.

15.You have to believe that illegal political contributions by the Chinese government are somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Followed by a little soundbite.

1.You have to believe that the same teacher who can�t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

No they aren't. My, what strange things kids learn today.

2.You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

I obviously don't believe this statement. But I am not going to argue the Pros and Cons of Gun Control, since I am kinda through with the subject for the time being.

3.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

I can't say much about this statement since I don't know anything about art history. But I will say that art doesn't grow on trees.

4.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth�s climate and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

It's not the SUVs I'm worried about. It's those companies that either throw waste in the wilderness or spew large amounts of pollutants the size of Montana in the sky. And get away with it too.

5.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand; in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

I'm against Abortion, to an extent. But I'm also against Capital Punishment, again, to an extent. There are cases in which I'd like to see the bastard let out in the deep void of space where his body will explode due to excessive decompression *thinks*, hey, that's another way to do it.

6.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

The government is never off the hook. Example, Sudan.

7.You have to believe that hunters don�t care about nature, but some activists who�ve never been outside of Seattle do.

Explain the logic of this statement to me. How does a hunter care about nature when he's got a shotgun in hand?

8.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

No I don't

9.You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

How about a Corrupt Military? Anyone remember Pinochet?

10.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

A constitution whose Second Amendment is completely outdated.

11.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

Depends on who pays the low taxes (provided that it is not the filthy rich) and where the Taxes go. I know where my ATM fees go. But of course I don't mind low taxes, given the amount of pay I receive.

12.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

Who are those two ladies? And I DO know that the three men have some vital role in the history of this planet.

13.You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn�t worked anywhere it�s been tried, is because the right people haven�t been in charge.

That's right.

14.You have to believe that parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected while public display of religious images should be illegal.

Though I wholeheartedly support giving rights to gays and lesbians, these "pride" parades are basically overdoing it.

15.You have to believe that illegal political contributions by the Chinese government are somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Well, that's something I've never heard about. And would a true Liberal believe that anyway? I don't think so.

To round this off, whoever wrote this article obviously doesn't know what a liberal is. Almost every single comment present here is way off the mark.

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

10: "A constitution whose Second Amendment is completely outdated."

The second ammendment will never be outdated. It will be needed as long as criminals pose a threat to law-abiding citizens, and as long as the government has the power to take away your freedom. To coin a phrase, it is "nesecary for the security of a free state."

13: "That's right."

*L* So find the right people. Socialism requires an all-powerful government, and power corrupts. That means anyone. You will NEVER find people who will not become corrupt in running a socialist state. _I_ probably would.

And I think the point is that these are all things that liberals and the liberal media believe. Every single one of these views is supported by the Democratic party. I'd like to get my hands on a copy of my platform when they finalize it, and compare it to this.

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"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
- George Bernard Shaw

Just on a side note, does it bother you at all that the US in any given year uses 40% of the worlds resources? (Note, it has 5% of the worlds population).

Still just a teansy-weansy bit paranoid are we?

There's a difference between paranoia and legitimate suspicion. The government HAS the power to take my freedom. Sure, they're PROBABLY not going to use it, but that's not good enough. I'm not willing to go on faith in the goodness of our leaders. I need assurances. Thus guns.

As for criminals, that's still a legitimate reason to own a gun.

Daryus:

"Just on a side note, does it bother you at all that the US in any given year uses 40% of the worlds resources?"

Not in the slightest. Who else would use them? Sure, let's send all the crude oil in the world to Namibia. What are they gonna do with it? We're the ones that CAN use them, so why shouldn't we? The sheer amount of resources in a country isn't going to affect the lifestyle of its people all that much.

"I find both your definition of Liberal and the idea that the US media is liberally biased very funny."

Let's start with the media: watch MSNBC some time if you can. One reporter had Cheney on, and asked him some questions about his voting record. The problem: he didn't even look up the voting record! He just got info off of www.bushcheney.net, which is actually run by the democratic party! Didn't bother to verify it, just took it at face value. If you care to look at the site, I'll shoot it down. Otherwise, just take my word for it: it's a complete misrepresentation.

And when was the last time Gore got asked a tough question, like, "You attack Cheney on his abortion voting record, but are you aware that in thirteen of fourteen cases, you voted the same way?" Yet they say that Bush is "sticking a thumb in the eye" of the democrats when he tours states that Clinton won on his way to Philly. Then it's picked up on, and Bush is asked loaded questions, like, "Governer, why are you sticking a thumb in the eye of the Democratic party?"

"No bias" my foot.

The democrats and the reps are completely different animals (no elephant jokes, please). Read the democrat platform when they finalize it. Compare it to the republican. Heck, see if you can find their '96 platforms. It'd probably work just as well. As the first thing that jumps to mind, the Republicans want to fix the overtaxation that lead to the surplus. The Democrats want to spend my money on things I never authorized them to spend it on. The Republicans care about the constitution. The democrats don't.

Hardly the same.

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"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
- George Bernard Shaw

Ah. "I need assurances". The cry of every religious person.

Alan Hunt said it once refering to Bush's lackings, and for the next two weeks the media personalities were ALL using it as if they were the first to do so!

Socialism (aka The Far Left) is basically made up of different groups of people with different views. You've got the homeless activists here, lower-class activists there, Union Bosses education activists, health care activists, environmental groups, gay-rights activists, groups calling for the preservation of John Lennon's Body, etc. Basically a lot of special interest groups.

On the other side of the coin is Capitalism. Now compared to Socialism, Capitalism has only one view. Money. Dollar Signs. Bars of Gold. You name it. And because of this, they all have a pretty clear vision on how to achieve their goals.

Because the Socialists have diverging and differing views, it is VERY hard to find common ground. The environmentalists would pass laws strengthening the protection of the environment. The Homeless Activists would pass laws for the creation of Affordable housing. The Union bosses would pass laws strengthening the unions.

This results in several problems:
- The Socialists don't know politics very well. As a result, they would pass any law with reckless abandon, and with minimal consultation who would receive a negative impact under these laws.
- If those who are negatively affected by these laws, they will complain. And if the Socialists listen, they would end up significantly watering down their OWN laws, angering their OWN fellow activists in the process.
- Even if they passed all the laws that they wanted to pass, they have NO IDEA what to do next. Each subsequent minute is fraught with hesitation and indecision.
- At this point, you'll have other special-interest groups who are complaining to the Socialist government on how THEIR interests are not being met. The Government can pass the laws requested by these other groups, but OTHER special interest groups would complain how these laws are bad for their ideals and instead want these OTHER laws passed. And if the government complies, yet ANOTHER special interest group starts to complain. And so it continues, an endless babblethon between each and every socialist.
- In the process, everyone gets sick and tired of this government for many different reasons and wonder why they elected them in the first place.

Simply put, the Socialists need to get their act together before they start to take power in ANY government. The only good socialist would be one who is able to reconcile the differences between their own special interest groups BEFORE they can go up against the Capitalists. But then again, the perfect Socialist would be hated, not only by the Capitalists, but by their own fellow Socialists as well. So much for co-operation.

But then, given the argumentative nature of these groups, the perfect Socialist Government may not happen for a very long time.

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"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

1.You have to believe that the same teacher who can�t teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

Hell....some of the teachers I've met shouldn't be qualified to teach...period. Frankly though, the're going to learn one way or another, in a alley-way or in a classroom full of snickering adolescents. Might as well make it pseudo-scientific.

2.You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.

Dangerous is such an ambiguous term. Chinese communists have an ability to wipe out millions of people, true. But the US has used nukes... China hasn't. But to be honest, nuclear weapons are dangerous in any person's or government's hands. Probability-wise, my chances are higher that I'll be shot rather than nuked, my chances are even higher that I'll be hurt in a traffic accident, China won't nuke Canada...igloos are impervious to nukes

3.You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

Wut you talkin' bout Willis?

4.You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth�s climate and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

Honestly, both theories have merit. But with every scientific theory, there is doubt. If there is even the slightest chance global warming occurs....why give some moron the ability to drive everywhere with four-wheel drive and all-terrain handling...in bumper to bumper traffic. Drive a fuel-efficient car, at least you won't look as silly when you complain about gas prices.

5.You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand; in short,you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.

I support both...why? Overpopulation, thats why. (Wait a sec...maybe I should support distributing guns to all US citizens afterall)

6.You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

Incorrect, they both create oppression. Oppression is part of human nature afterall.

7.You have to believe that hunters don�t care about nature, but some activists who�ve never been outside of Seattle do.

You don't show that you care about your significant other by levelling a fully automatic weapon in their face...same thing here.

8.You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

Wut you talkin' bout Willis?

9.You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians start wars.

*sigh* Once again, they both do. Hell...all people create wars with each other, its called human nature.

10.You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

Nahhhh thats absolutely incorrect
....its bad because it supports the whole US Constitution

11.You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

*sigh* The're both too high....whats up with this?

12.You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

I vaguely recall doing a project on the importance of Thomas Edison...know about the others...and have no clue what the first two are. For all I know, they could be starship classes.

13.You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn�t worked anywhere it�s been tried, is because the right people haven�t been in charge.

...because the right people haven't, don't, and never will exist. There can never be a totally fair and objective leader, thus socialism fails. Go human nature.

14.You have to believe that parades displaying drag queens and transvestites should be constitutionally protected while public display of religious images should be illegal.

nahhhh.....they should all be displayed. Then we can have Orangemen clashes, Crusades. and all sorts of fun. Religious conflict and destruction is great for stopping overpopulation.

15.You have to believe that illegal political contributions by the Chinese government are somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Nah....I only believe the legal political contributions by the Chinese goverment are in their best interest. But seriously, its not like the United States government has never illegally funded foreign organizations or governments. Stop being so hypocritical.

Omega: slight difference.....the United States is not the only place that can use them....its just the only place that can afford to use 40% of the world's resources... Before you get all namsy-pantsy, I'm not judging...its just a slight distinction.

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1957: The space age begins when the first artificial satellite, Sputnik 1, is placed in orbit by the Soviet Union on October 4. Our German rocket scientists get very
annoyed with their German rocket scientists. � Outpost

I trust God. I don't trust humans. Simple, really.

Tom:

Well, let's look at the DNC's general views. Higher taxes, punish the rich, divide and conquor, screw the constitution, give the government power over EVERYTHING. Well, the first and last ceratinly sound liberal to me, by definition.

Jeff:

Rush did a Nexus search for "gravitas". Turns out that on the 24th, 25th, and 26th, the word gravitas was used in more referenced news stories than in all of June.

The earliest reference listed was in '96, about Cheney, ironically.

Mucus:

3: "Wut you talkin' bout Willis?"

This is in response to the people who claim that if you want to cut the blatantly unconstitutional spending on art grants, then you hate art, or some other such crap.

"Honestly, both theories have merit."

Well, global warming doesn't really have merit on the scale of human greenhouse gas production. Average temperature has been decreasing steadily, which is contradictory to the theory of global warming. Reminds me of the conference in DC on global warming last winter. They had to call it off because of two feet of snow.

5: "I support both...why? Overpopulation, thats why."

Well, if you're gonna take that stance, let's say that the government set up a death lottery. The population is fixed at, say, 300,000k (US), and when we go over that by however much, the government randomly selects that number of social security numbers. Sound barbaric? It is. This planet can support quite a few more people than we already have.

6: "Incorrect, they both create oppression. Oppression is part of human nature afterall."

True, but at least with business, you get to choose your opressor, and you can become your own opressor, if you so choose.

7: "You don't show that you care about your significant other by levelling a fully automatic weapon in their face"

But it's not like hunters destroy nature. They'd be fools to. They require nature to exist for their form of entertainment. Not that I like hunting, in concept, but...

8: "Wut you talkin' bout Willis?"

That's a reference to the refusal in some schools to give kids bad grades in order to keep from hurting their feelings, no matter how badly they do. It's involved in that whole "creative spelling" thing, where any spelling is allowed, because telling a kid he's wrong would hurt his feelings, and other such crap.

11: "The're [sic] both too high....whats up with this?"

You pay a buck fifty to use the ATM of a company who you don't patronize. I'd say that it's a pretty good deal for the convenience.

12: Wasn't Steinem an advocate of birth control or abortion or something?

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"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
- George Bernard Shaw