Topic: The Never-Ending Story: may God have mercy on my soul...
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I WAS IN THE FUTURE, IT WAS TOO LATE TO RSVP
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Chapter I: Escape from Stupidity There once was sex. Everyone liked it. Then Jeff Kardde, God, Roma Downey, and Po traveled backwards in formation towards Pittsburgh. First of Two ejaculated when Simon beat himself with a plastic, battery-powered toothbrush. Suddenly, extra-terrestrials exploded. No longer organs, gonads, and breasts (as a sexual component) lacking, the flight overseas was infinitesimally delayed by monks. Indefatigable Horatio Hornblower dropped his cat sexually on Captain Kirk's toup�e-fencing prostitute. Yeoman Rand received a vibrator for Sulu but not before he used lubricant. Po slammed his head against First of Two because he enjoyed kinky spelunking. Especially during Star Trek: Insurrection, Late Night Confessions and The 700 Club, but he doesn't masturbate with Tarkalean lubricants. That's Simon's nude potato toy. It slipped off his large ass. Meanwhile, Brannon Braga and Rick Berman vigorously masturbated, looking gay, like Trent Lott-hating Terellian's penises. Pitsburgh's sexiness was bleak, so to improve orgasms, the Steelers banged their cheerleaders mightily. Achieving sexuality hitherto unimaginable, Siegfried proudly prematurely outed Travis Mayweather. Omega kicked himself in desperation because he wanted multitronic tele-dildonics. So, Liz decided to ease Omega's pain and lust by erasing her offering of kinky electronic technology. Instead, she offered to placate him by replacing his electronic fantasies with The Real Thing™. However, Liz exploded. Distraught, Omega flung deer at George W. Bush. "Why did she explode? Why!?" "Because it's logical." Bush nuked Texas, played strip-poker, and boinked, before his secretary Susan Ivanova castrated him. "Ducks fly. Eagles fly. Emus taste good. Charles Capps doesn't taste like fried dog anymore," concluded Miss Cleo, who liked eating raw dog meat. The doodookaka on Rush Limbaugh's shoehorn smells fruity. Retroactively, Vogon Poet intercepted email from Jesus H. Christ stating "You are fucked." Then Eric Chow stripped Omega's skin so he screamed with pleasure. Meanwhile, the USS Baltimore had deer blood for breakfast. MIB stinks. In Atlantis rests Excalibur. The Scottish militia burned methane-smelling copies of Dianetics. Woo-hoo! L. Ron Hubbard angrily searched for page 22 in drag. Unsuccessful, L. Ron Hubbard masturbated to "The Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald". Chelsea Clinton said Rush Limbaugh ravished Bugs Bunny. "Goodness," replied Rush Limbaugh. "I'm not bloated!!!!!" Then, Osama bin Laden peed on Adolf Hitler and Darth Vader. Ronald Reagan commented that hearing-impaired fruitcakes shot J.R. Ewing. Skittles are communist pinkos. God has afflicted Norfolk, Baltimore; Morgan Hill, South Carolina; and Tennessee with deerberries that Jebus farted on. Frank Gerratana died when Omega read Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot by Rush Limbaugh's detractor, his name being unspeakable. Rush Limbaugh lives sinfully aware of sex with aardvarks. Jubilee loves TSN and Siegfried, but she hates diskettes. Charles Dickens wrote pornographic propoganda for Omega. Organisms fly. Jeff Kardde rocks Omega, loves Rush Limbaugh's insightful culinary Web site, and stuff. On top of Olympus Mons, all Oompa-Loompas were horny over Tim Nix's Cooking Nude with Omega's Testicles. Meanwhile, Colin Powell clicked on an oven. *KABOOM* *KABLAMMO* "Oooooooooops, I did it again!" G.W. Bush farted on Jaing's head. "Oh, phoooey," he bitched. Roma Downey peed in pools that are owned by Fabrux. The Cookie Monster is in deep Fajitas Grande with salsa. Yum. Cats vomited dog poop they scared out of Porthos, Athos, Dogtagnan, and Aramis' mum. Now, let's crash uglies against brick-house-inhabiting Counter-Strike players AWPing deer. Lee stripped Kate's catskin catsuit off and put his Legos™ in her earlobe. Unsatisfied, Kate straddled Lee. "You Klingon love monster!" shouted Kate, "I love sheep!" Distraught, Lee, the First One, jumped temporally into Worf, who howled. Love is a holographic snowmobile. Malnurtured Snay kicked Brannon Braga off "Hollywood Squares" so that Whoopi Goldberg would win. "I'll disagree," said First of Two while choking. The chicken smelled like Lego. Œdipus Rex picked Abraham Lincoln as his mother. Coder is irrelevant. The supernova goes brightly into oblivion. Calvin chewed beef jerky because there weren't enough salty things. Legos suck. NOT!!!!!!! However, imitations like Block'o's do blow chunks. Hewlett Packard makes blaster-induced cartridges which excrete tomato seeds into Chucky's hard drive. However, Flare Forums exploded because Charles couldn't reduce that antimatter ratio. A clockwork grapefruit will melt. Monoliths kubrickly exude dark stars. Perhaps Egon, Venkman, and Ray Charles will entertain. Incredibly, the Taliban imploded when "Green Onions" fell on local zebras. Startled, The359 exploded again. Oooops, we did her mom again! We shouldn't stop hanging around hookers that eat sausages. Obviously. Jubes isn't lesbian, momentarily, but Charles suspects The_Tom is crazy. Hari Seldon crapped on indefatigable indie-rock stars. David Hasselhoff fucks Pringles cans every night. If only they would lubricate themselves instead of T'Pol. She, however, likes it. Someone went potty before going ka-ka. The end
Chapter II: Return to Stupidity The end is coming for your thread. The end is never far from here. The Matrix crashed when Johnny Mnemonic 'boinked' Hobbes against Ted 'Theodore' Logan and Bill S. Preston, esquire, played songs on Dogstar's shitty album. "My superior libido turns me into Super-Omega-Alpha-Man," said Snay as Omega melted. Curry-type packets exploded because they were pressurized incorrectly. "Underwear is accruing interest at 4.7% of expected yield," announced Weyoun However, jock-strap emissions are expected to waft towards sub-Saharan tribes. In 2002 A.D. the Pillsbury Dough-Boy ran burned tentacles across Sunnyvale High during Thanksgiving dinner. It ate calamari like hors d'oeuvres served by Buffy-Magna. "Arses like Canadians always screw in arses that smell." Tim and Liam killed the teacher posthumously. "Yummy!" said Tim, who exploded all the while. Capps updated his electric psychedelics hare named Captain Bucky O'Hare "Sweet Jesus H. Christ Almighty!" exclaimed Liz when Jubes fingered Ω. "�Donde es Gato?" "Cat?" "�El Scorcho, Chris Waddle, y El Buggero jumped off Omega, but then exploded!" Omega wants the thread to continue no more. But God afflicted him wtih stupidity interspersed with ignorance. Masturbation lost WW2 for Japan. However, Germany sucked. The End.
Chapter III: May God Have Mercy on Your Soul Once upon Jesus Christ's pet gerbil's birthday, Omega restarted his magnificent action of eating. The insipid knackwurst started fermenting wildly while Rupert Murdoch got high on Frenchmen's baguettes. Whimpering James Dean melodies played over Adolf Eichmann's choking cough. Ronald Sandoval theorem states explosions never occur during cracking lithium. However, they randomly... KABLAMMO! "Holy crap on fire!" Tony Orlando died happy. Christoper Moltisante...? Who? You think this is funny? Hardly. "I wouldn't laugh if Tony Soprano exploded," Dr. Jennifer Melfi said. Pauli Walnuts has walnuts upon successful Sultan Hashem Ahmed's daughter's nipples without permission. Jonathan Frakes, Scott Hamilton, Stiffler, Yuri Gagarin, and I rode her. On "Tuesday's Man" is Dolph Lundgren getting buggered by Queen Elizabeth after teatime? Fat people explode messily. Or so I heard. Chipmonks misspelled "chipmunks." Slartibartfast managed the planetary interference array badly. Michael_T opposes Babylon 5, only it continues to intrigue his penis. Incongruously, Dolph Lundgren jumped over Homer Simpson and Patrick Stewart with a zamboni. "Born Slippy", as it were, pertains to Dolph Lundgren's tongue smells. Mike Shinoda thinks Dolph Lundgren rides holographic man-trains. Mrs. Lundgren watches Little Lundgren boinking children vigorously into submission. However, Dolph fucked himself up by spanking George Bush with a flounder. Meanwhile, Jean-Claude van Damme kissed Charles Capps' Bronco. Dolph Lundgren man-trained Jeff Benson's friend Lee Kelly to orgasm. Jiang Zemin died. Bashar Assad farted. Bosnia and Herzegovina burned. Gene Ray had survived Aleksandr Soljenitsyne's books by hiding in bed. Meanwhile, Alexander Solzenytsin farted on Vladimir Kryuchkov's niece. Batman! Porcelain! TSN shattered Omega's clarinet's possibilities. Donald Rumsfeld mates during press dinners despite foreign chicks' being naked Betty White lookalikes. First of Two and Seven of Nine pooped themselves purple while reading "Little Red Riding Hood, Pornographic Edition." Batman's Cleveland Steamer chugged mightily through Man-Train Central Station on the Jubilee Line. Love is cruel, consisting of contradiciton, betrayal, and gigantic throbbing thumbtacks. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogoggoch had spelling mistakes in each of its chipmonks. "Counter-Strike" sucks when Vogon poet Jeff Benson cheats his scores. �Taco! Orgasms feel happy. Tim Berners-Lee exploded, while Ultra von Magnus, Jr. didn't like his HEMAN dildo. However, Ultra Magnus intervened. Jeff Kardde voted for strawberry-flavored ice-cream. Elian Gonzalez walked. "�Taco!" screamed Ruben Blade's Tostitos, while smothering Omega in beans. Luis Gonzales is flatulent, pedantic, and whimsically holographic, allegedly. Newfies pop! Newfies pop! Newfies with Dr Seuss's Glock and Smith & Wesson's 'Dr Seuss'! Wow! Zowie! Newfies suck! Newfies pop Supreme Chancellor Ultra von Magnus's hymen-like mouth, spewing pollen through him. "Ew! Blue stuff is yucky, sexy!" said Tinky-Winky, while The359 changes poopy-filled diapers. "The End? NO!" yelled MIB. Banned? Woohoo! Everyone liked that. Gandalf the Grey, McKellan the Gay, Ultra Magnus the Foolish, Malnurtured Snay the Tomato Rocket-esque, and Vogon the Poet flamencoed down to Mordor flamboyantly, intending hilarity. Bronson Pinchot exploded. If a melon explodes, run towards it. Dolph Lundgren sucks since pledging his soul to Ultra Magnus's dog-loving in-vitro offspring that swing "HEMAN" 'right-round-baby-right-round' like 'a-record-baby.' Dead or Alive reacted badly, vomiting akimbo, but Robert Mugabe loved power-cuts at Ultra Magnus's gay workout buddy, Malnurtured Snay-android. Ultra Magnus wept sufficiently, masturbating Navy Chief Zamboni Driver 1st class Dolph Lundgren, III. He might not explode, but he can't yearn because of chronic genital warts, implanted when clones gestate Ultra Magnus anally. Turpentine dissolved sadly into Stephen Collings, who choked and soiled Wang Chung's antimacassar. James Bond smells 'Jingle Bells' albums, 'Batman Smells EPs, and furry little animals, bludgeoning smaller kitties for great vengeance. Move zig. Zag for further Denver Nuggets, and Denver Nuggets-galore shall Dolph-Lundgrenize rapidly, even in earwax-saturated phlegm, jacking incredulously hard, so naturally an Orc intervened. The whole entire Orc population basically farted. Granted, Dolph Lundgren's seasoned bouillabaise (Denver Nuggets) reeks with obscene tachyonic-sized cat explosives. Meanwhile, the Enterprise mated with a duck-shaped topiary behind a man-train consisting of Charles Capps, Lambchop, and Mini-Me. "What..?! OUCH!" said the broom. "Bang!" yelled David Caruso, as Dennis Franz exploded. CaptainMike bitch-slapped Malnurtured Snay's bitch, Omega. Omega is not a god-like engineer who woman-trains reprehensible fundamentalists. Geeks flee, and plunder the library in Franklin, Tennessee. This resulted in re-tah-ded orations from President George 'Dubya' Bush, a hooker, Army Man-Train Engineer 3rd class Dolph Lundgren IV, the 1991 AFC-Champion Denver Broncos, and MIB. Reverend Martin Luther King Jr., The Monolith and L. Ron Hubbard couldn't lift Gordi Howe by the Scrotum. Tony Danza exploded twice before the California Golden Seals sang Tornado Justice. The Birmingham's captain Dolph Lundgren XII signed his lundgrenesque autograph. Adolf Hitler was Tarellian. His filth-encrusted sidekicks, MIB, Heinrich Himmler, and George 'Dubya' Bush man-trained with Major Barcalow, El Supreme-o Ass Hole Of The World Osama Bin Laden, Martha Stewart, El Idiot Supreme of Flare MIB, and two gerbils. Anna Kournikova was gay until Intendant Kira choked Lt. Worf. Supreme Grand Admiral and Creator of Flare Charles T. Capps snorts crack from Risa. Bart Simpson made Dolph Lundgren IV a slingshot which broke and killed him, again. Dolph Lundgen SUCKS popsicles flavored with popsicles that kill Batman, Ultra Magnus, Omega, militiamen and PeeWee Herman penguins. Omega exploded thrice upon igniting gas. Batman proposed to Silver Surfer while Silver Surfer masturbated over Mrs. Dolphene Ludgren. Omega jumped the shark-like armchair. The Glock fired rubber condoms like fish eggs. Amy Wynn said "No, both!" Touquefucker Dolph Lundgren XII, the oral tongue-ilator ravished Jean-Claude van Damme posthumously. Jeff Raven might love exploding monkeys sometimes, but renegade Suliban reneged retroactively, requiring rectal-cleaning reverberation of renegades. The long and winding tale presented by Commander Harmon Rabb, Richard D. James and Detective Bobby Simone became "Travelers to AnusLand" U//Magnus envisioned "K1NG 0F 7H3 5M4XX0R!1!." Finally, U//Magnus died. "Excellent," said Chief Master Petty Officer Third Class Hobbes as Master Rideon Lawnmower Fanatic Charles Linbergh Level MMXVII exploded orgasmically four times more. "In retaliation, Charles "Chucky" Capps danced without clothes again!" shouted Rob Farquhar, repeatedly shooting people with SIG-sauer P220s. The 1993 Stanley Cup Champion Montreal Canadiens exploded. Patrick Roy didn't. Terra Tyrrhena illiterately balooned out of Omega's arse. Siegfried's lovers never cheat, except nothing makes Candy hornier. TSN and TSN's uncle pop rocks retroactively between Springfield and The Cave of Caerbannog. 1940s Los Gatos cult leader Father William Riker lost millions of platypi because P. Diddy activated The Device. Jack Bauer performed keyhole surgery without The Device. Cap'n Mike promises training to Without Smith, Jr. REVENGE! Darkstar and Major Barcalow and some flammable mayonnaise wrestled until Charlie Salinger erected "[Poe] Baby Jesus" on [Poe]-=FaIL=- Wake K2. Jonathan Frakes, Zlorgnax, and Benny Hill shat skittles upon David Hasselhoff, singing "The Real Captain Mike" ditty, which ripped mad titmonkeys. "Thanks!" I mumbled, while scratching Po's slimey testicles. "Wow! Testicles feel like talking Domokun, Daddy!" "Holy CapCom!" replied CapComMan. "The Dolphness of Lundgren realy sucks Slurpees!" Bestiality isn't all fun and games because of STD's. Lord Turnip Testicle the 23rd ejaculated gooey Curried Cadbury Cream Eggs games, oxy-acetylene torches and fishsticks. Captain William T. Riker, Tommy Boy, a squab-on-a-stick, Captain Frank X. Furillo, The Duck that Eats French Money and Explodes, and The Queen Mum (from beyond the grave) boink theatrically trained monkeys. Naturally, Big Bad Momma believes lasagna is an aphrodisiac. "The Never-Ending Story: May G-d Have Mercy on My Soul" postretroactively sodomized Omega's Care Bear. Scott Baio's first man-train widened JeffRaven's orifice to heretofore never conceived proportions, although several incidents are classified. Later, our brazen, cantakerous, reamed orifice overflowed with Without Jones Junior's barnacle-encrusted French-tickler. This caused mass migratory MAN-TRAINS marring many masticating
[ April 07, 2002, 15:04: Message edited by: U//Magnus ]
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I WAS IN THE FUTURE, IT WAS TOO LATE TO RSVP
Member # 709
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just type 'said' and that'll be it.. Chuck said approximately 1000 posts, and im taking these extras as credit for all the dumb double posts
The Name Game, final (part 3 only):
The Dramatis Person� (in order of appearance): Jesus Christ's pet gerbil (3) Stephen "Omega" Collings [Malnurtured Snay's bitch] (12) James Dean Adolf Eichmann Ronald Sandoval Tony Orlando Christopher Moltisante Tony Soprano Jennifer Melfi Pauli Walnuts Sultan Hashem Ahmed's daughter Jonathan Frakes (2) Scott Hamilton Stiffler Yuri Gagarin Dolph Lundgren (7) Queen Elizabeth Chipmonks (2) Slartibartfast Michael_T Homer Simpson Patrick Stewart Mike Shinoda Dolphene Lundgren [Miss] (2) Little Lundgren George W. Bush (Dubya) [President] [Adolf Hitler's filth encrusted sidekick] (3) Jean-Claude van Damme (2) Charles (T.) "Chucky" Capps [Supreme Grand Admiral] [Creator of Flare] (4) Jeff Benson (Jeff Kardde) (Malnurtured Snay [a Vogon poet] [the Tomato Rocket-esque]) (4) Lee Kelly (Vogon [the Poet]) (2) Jiang Zemin Bashar Assad Gene Ray Aleksandr Soljenitsyne (Alexander Solzenytsin) (2) Batman (4) TSN (2) Donald Rumsfeld Betty White lookalikes First of Two (Rob Farquhar) (2) Seven of Nine Tim Berners-Lee Ultra von Magnus, Jr. [dog-loving in vitro offspring] (2) Ultra Magnus [the Foolish] (Ultra von Magnus [supreme chancellor])(U//Magnus) (8) Elian Gonzalez Ruben Blade Luis Gonzales Dr. Seuss Tinky Winky The359 (The Monolith) (2) MIB [Adolf Hitler's filth encrusted sidekick][El Idiot Supreme of Flare](4) Gandalf [the Grey] McKellan [the Gay] Bronson Pinchot Dead or Alive Robert Mugabe Malnurtured Snay-android [gay workout buddy] Dolph Lundgren III [Navy Chief Zamboni Driver 1st class] Wang Chung James Bond the Denver Nuggets Lambchop Mini-Me David Caruso Dennis Franz CaptainMike (Cap'n Mike) (3) Dolph Lundgren IV [Army Man-Train Engineer 3rd class] (2) a hooker the '91 Denver Broncos Martin Luther King, Jr. [Reverend] Tony Danza the California Golden Seals Dolph Lungren XII [Captain of the Birmingham] [Touquefucker 3rd Class] [the oral tonguelator] (2) Adolf Hitler [Tarellian] Heinrich Himmler [Adolf Hitler's filth encrusted sidekick] Barcalow [Major] (2) Osama bin Laden [El Supreme-o Ass Hole Of The World] Martha Stewart a second gerbil Anna Kournikova Kira {alternate} [Intendant] Worf [Lieutenant] Bart Simpson Dolph Lundgen militia-men PeeWee Herman penguins Silver Surfer (2) Amy Wynn Jeff Raven Suliban renegades Harmon Rabb [Commander] [Traveler to AnusLand] Richard D. James [Traveler to AnusLand] Bobby Simone [Detective] [Traveler to AnusLand] Hobbes [Chief Master Petty Officer Third Class] Charles Linbergh [Master Rideon Lawnmower Fanatic Level MMXVII] 1993 Stanley Cup Champion Montreal Canadiens Patrick Roy Terra Tyrrhena Siegfried Candy TSN's uncle William (T.) Riker [1940s Los Gatos cult leader] [Captain] [Father] (2) P. Diddy Jack Bauer Without Jones, Jr. (2) Darkstar Charlie Salinger [Poe] Baby Jesus [Poe] whatever, some titmonkey Zlorgnax Benny Hill David Hasselhoff titmonkey, for real this time Po Domokun Daddy CapComMan Frank X. Furillo [Captain] The Duck that Eats French Money and Explodes The Queen Mum [from beyond the grave] Theatrically trained monkeys Big Bad Momma Omega's Care Bear
U DROPPED UR POWERUP TO WIN TEH GAEM AND OMGEA PIKED IT UP AND TOOK IT TO TEH GOAL!!1!1!! NAD IS TEH WINNAR Winning with the most appearances: > Malnurtured Snay's bitch, Stephen "Omega" Collings (12) > Dolph Lundgren (still at 7), plus three more uses of his name as a verb or adjective (lundgrenesque, dolphness, etc..) (making 10) > Supreme Chancellor Ultra (von) "U//Magnus" Magnus, the Foolish (8) > Vogon poet Jeff 'Malnurtured Snay' 'Jeff Kardde' Benson, the Tomato Rocket-esque (4 in as many different names) > Batman (4) > Supreme Grand Admiral and Creator of Flare Charles (T.) "Chucky" Capps (4) > Adolf Hitler's filth encrusted sidekick, MIB, El Idiot Supreme of Flare(4) > Jesus Christ's Pet Gerbil (3) > Adolf Hitler's filth encrusted sidekick President George 'Dubya' Bush (3) > Captain "Cap'n" Mike (3) > Jonathan Frakes (2) > The359 (TheMonolith) (2) > Chipmonks (2) > Miss Dolphene Lundgren (2) > Jean-Claude van Damme (2) > Lee 'Vogon Poet' Kelly (2) > Aleksandr "Alexander Solzenytsin" Soljenitsyne (2) > Rob "First of Two" Farquhar (2) > dog-loving in vitro offspring Ultra von Magnus, Jr. (2) > Silver Surfer (2) > Touquefucker 3rd Class Dolph Lungren XII, Captain of the Birmingham, the oral tonguelator (2) > Army Man-Train Engineer 3rd class Dolph Lundgren IV (2) > Major Barcalow (2) > Silver Surfer (2) > 1940s Los Gatos Cult Leader, Father "Captain" William (T.) Riker > Without Jones, Jr. (2)
-------------------- "I was surprised by the matter-of-factness of Kafka's narration, and the subtle humor present as a result." (Sizer 2005)
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