posted
I decided to write my own series, I think it's good but I was very reluctant to post at first because I feared it'd be badly rejected. True enough, the idea might be considered corny, but I don't really give a shit. Well, Enjoy!
This is my crazy idea based upon all ST shows and Quantum Leap, I am the character that keeps making jumps from one character and time period to another and I right the wrongs in the ST universe.
I felt a strange bit of nausea, to which I had grown accustomed in the past few weeks and I realized I had made another jump. "Well it couldn't be worse than the last one." I said to myself, but then I looked down and I realized I had no clothes on. While rushing to find a uniform to put on I heard the door sound. "Be there in a sec" I yelled as I jumped to get my uniform. I put it on and looked in a mirror. "Oh, my, god!" I exclaimed realizing how different this jump was from the previous ones, I had now jumped into the female body of B'ellana Torres, and she was obviously pregnant at the time. The door chimed again and interrupted my thoughts. "Open" I exclaimed, and the doors slid open revealing a smiling Captain Janeway. "How's my chief engineer doing?" she said. "I'm fine, just a little tired." "Well, you finally get your wish." "Wish?" "The doctor said that you should be fine to resume regular duty for about a month." "Well finally" I exclaimed realizing that I hadn't the faintest idea of how a matter/antimatter generator worked. "Well, see you on the bridge" She said. As the door closed the holographic image of my friend Peter appeared. "Where the hell were you? I need your help, I know nothing about being the pregnant, female chief engineer of a starship stuck 70,000 light years from Earth!!" "Look on the bright side." He said. "What bright side?" I replied. "Well, you're kinda hot, I'd ask you out if you weren't pregnant." "Don't start with me, if you weren't a holographic projection I'd beat your brains out. You still didn't tell me what you were doing!" "Well Seven of Nine was exploring her sexuality on the holodeck, and I had to be there to see it." "You could have lied and said that you were suffering excrutiating circumstances." "I was, it was a hologram of Chakotay!"
"Oh, damn, I'm late for my duty shift, I gotta go. Come with me I'm gonna need help with this." I walked thorough the hallway and I saw Seven of Nine exiting the holodeck in a very tired and sweaty state. "Lieutenant, I was not aware you were returning to duty" "The doctor gave the okay, and the captain just told me about it this morning. What were you doing in there?" "I was... exercising." "I see, well I might need some help in engineering later on, be sure to stop by." "I will." I approached engineering and as the doors opened I was awed by the massive Matter/Anti-matter reactor which was pulsing away in the center of the room. "The captain said you were returning to duty, so I thought you might like to run this diagnostic yourself" - a crewmember replied. "Thanks" I said "I missed this place" As I approached a console I motioned my friend peter toward the console with my eyes. "Don't worry. I'll press all the buttons and you just repeat what I do, no one will ever know." The diagnostic was a succes. "That wasn't too hard I said. But I was rudely interrupted by the rocking of the ship and the sounds of red alert. Consoles started flaring and I jumped to the nearest one and asked my friend what to do. "No, wrong console, this is the thing, in a few seconds this console will explode and kill you, that's what you're here to prevent." I jumped aside as the console exploded feeling a lot of relief. Strangely I realized that I had not made a jump still. "It must be another thing too." "You're right, history has changed, you were supposed to stabilize the warp core and save Voyager, but instead it will reach a meltdown in four minutes. Go to that console right there and do what I do." "Warp core stabilized" the computer sounded. "They're still attacking" peter said as he flickered away into nothingness. "Oh damn" I said. "What could have interrupted his 32nd century holographic signal I thought, and then it hit me: "Chronotons!" "I remember this, it's the Krenim." I hit my combadge: "Torres to the bridge! Remodulate shield frequencies to 1.7 terrahertz!" I heard the torpedoes get absorbed by the shields and for once the ship stopped shaking. "Now remodulate phasers to the same frequency and fire!" The orangy beams surged forward thorough Voyager's emitters and struck the Krenim warship. It exploded in a large ball of plasma. And I felt the nausiating feeling of another jump. I was sitting in the command chair of a large vessel and on the screen before me a borg talked to me: "Commander Riker, I am Locutus of Borg, the man you knew as Picard no longer exists. I am here to facilitate your assimilation. Lower your shields and surrender your ship, your biological and technological distinctivness will be added you our own. Resistance is futile!"
Tune in next time for the next episode. Tell me what you think, I made this as a spur of the moment, so it is far from perfect, but I enjoyed making it, and I think it was pretty good. Please post any suggestions on making it better, or if you wish you could write your own conclusion.
------------------ "Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"
-Nimrod 16/4/2001
[This message has been edited by infinity11 (edited March 25, 2001).]
posted
Well, I liked 'Quantum Leap.' and I've read some pretty good fanfic around it (especially 'Quantum Beast,' a crossover with another favorite old show).
My advice? Drop the first-person singular, especially if you're pretending YOU are the character, instead of Sam. It's decidedly Mary Sue-ish,* and while that can be fun for the AUTHOR for a while, the vast majority of READERS I've known HATE those kinds of stories.
Other than that, it's not bad. But you're going to have to find a way to solve probles in the context of the actual story, if you plan on using something with an established sequence of events, like Voyager. Having B'Elanna or some other character just suddenly GET new information, and do something with it... would leave a hole in the plot you could drive a bus through.
You have to resolve it IN the context in which it actually happened. I would think that the BEST thing you could do is 'fill-in-the-blanks' with things that happened off-screen that could still reasonably tie into the story.
Oh, and separate your paragraphs with space. Makes it MUCH easier to read.
*FYI: "Mary Sue" = when the author injects him/herself into a story, generally in the form of a guest character who shows up in the midst of a crisis, outdoes the regular characters in some way, and mysteriously departs.
------------------ The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
[This message has been edited by First of Two (edited March 25, 2001).]
posted
You're right about the first person, I should've gotten rid of that a long time ago. Interesting as it is for me to keep it, it isn't all that easy to make it look good. The next one will be a step back and the character will be in third person. As to the events, well it's just fanfic, so I never intended it to be fully merged with the actual shows and movies
------------------ "Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"
posted
On a more specific note to this story... If the character "looked down" to see he was naked, I think he would have noticed being a pregnant woman long before looking in the mirror. :-)
------------------ "As part of Mr. Lee's good neighbor policy, all Rat Things are programmed never to break the sound barrier in a populated area. But Fido's in too much of a hurry to worry about the good neighbor policy. Jack the sound barrier. Bring the noise." -Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash
posted
I figured that out after posting the story, but as I said, it's made on the go, and it doesn't work to have three shocks at once, one at a time works better Or you could say it was really, really dark.
------------------ "Well if it's gonna be that kind of a party, I'm putting my dick in the mashed potatoes!"
posted
Sorry, but I give up. What was "Quantum Beast" as cross-over with? The only shows that vaguely fit the bill are:
Werewolf The X-Men Harry and the Hendersons
Although I'd kill to see the last of those crossed over with Quantum Leap...
------------------ You know, when Comedy Central asked us to do a Thanksgiving episode, the first thought that went through my mind was, "Boy, I'd like to have sex with Jennifer Aniston." -Trey Parker, co-creator of South Park
posted
Here's a graphic hint on what a story should not be. I found this while surfing across the net, and I can't believe the author's claim that his story was "seriously" considered for being purchased.
This script has the "Mary Sue" element, a completely unbelievable premise, and Q just solves the problem on his own, making one wonder why he even bothered. Anyway, without further ado -- read it and cry:
Now, once you've read that dreck (I doubt you'll get all the way through, it's really bad), here's another spec script. Although my loathing for VOYAGER is well known, this spec script (which wasn't purchased) is one that I enjoyed for a solid story and a well paced (and creepy) plot. Anyway, here is ST:VOY Realization. Much better than Child's Play.
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited March 26, 2001).]
------------------ "Instructed by history and reflection, Julian was persuaded that, if the diseases of the body may sometimes be cured by salutary violence, neither steel nor fire can eradicate the erroneous opinions of the mind."
-Edward Gibbons, The Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire.
posted
Liam: Try "Beauty and the Beast" with Linda Hamilton (Catherine) and Ron Perlman (Vincent).
In "Quantum Beast," Sam leaps into Vincent's body to save Catherine from her untimely death at the end of the second season.
------------------ The government that seems the most unwise, oft goodness to the people best supplies. That which is meddling, touching everything, will work but ill, and disappointment bring. - The Tao Te Ching
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 8.32 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with seven eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
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