Star Trek: Series ?

Episode 32: The Best of Both First Contacts, Part I

Captain Braxton found himself wandering around the interior of a Borg cube. The interior was barely lit with pale green light, and the walls were lined with drones. Braxton finally reached the center of the ship, where a huge cubical viewscreen floated in midair...

We are the Borg.

"No, you are the Borg."

Shut up, you moron! We're trying to be creepy!

"Oops... Sorry..."

Anyway... Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.

"Never! I will resist!"

Don't be that way! All your friends are already one with us...

At that point, several drones stepped forward. Beneath the cybernetic implants, they were recognizable as Ducane, Yar, Dax, Sulu, Damar, and Kes. Braxton became very angry. "You friends!"

Don't you mean 'fiends?'

"Uh, yeah... You fiends! Hey, where's the Doctor?"

His archaic technology was unnecesary. He was eliminated.

"Well, that wasn't very nice."

Nice is irrelevant.

And with that, the former Relativity converged on Braxton, preparing to assimilate him...

***

Captain Braxton awoke in a cold sweat in his bed. "Egads! I really must stop eating five anchovy pizzas before I go to sleep..."

Ducane's voice came over the comm. Sir, there's an incoming transmission from Starbase 47. It's Priority One.

"No, there's an AAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Sir?

"I think that Borg implant is beginning to regenerate... Anyway, patch it through to my quarters!"

The disembodied head of Admiral Picard came onscreen. "I'm sorry to call you up at this hour, Braxton, but this is urgent. Our colony on Ivor Prime has been destroyed!"

Braxton nodded. "I know... The Klingons!"

"The Klingons? No, you idiot! It's the Borg!"

"Oh... That would explain that dream I just had..."

"Anyway, Braxton, I want the Relativity to intercept the cube and gather information on it. It's been quite a while since the last Borg invasion, and we want to know what we're dealing with."

"Just one starship against a Borg cube? That's a suicide mission!"

"Hey, if Janeway could do it, so can you!"

"You know, I'm getting tired of everyone thinking Janeway was such a nifty captain! She drove me insane! Literally!"

"Shut up and intercept that cube! Picard out!"

***

"Captain's Log: The day I have been dreading for seven years has finally arrived..."

"Sir, you haven't given a hoot about the Borg this whole series, except for that cameo by the Avon-selling alternate timeline Borg from last season."

"Shut up, Ducane! Anyway... The Borg, our most lethal enemy, have begun an invasion of the Federation, and if we can't stop them, the series will be over!"

Yar's console began beeping. "Sir, I'm detecting a Borg energy signature on an intercept course!"

"Onscreen!"

Sure enough, a Borg cube was heading at transwarp speed towards the Relativity. Braxton turned to Yar. "Open a channel to the cube!"

Yar opened the channel, and the interior of a cube came onscreen. Captain Braxton stood and read off the notes he wrote on his hand. "I am Captain Braxton of the Starship Relativity. You have committed an act of agression against the United Federation of Planets. Withdraw from our space immediately."

We are the Borg. Resistance is...

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. We already went through that in the dream sequence."

Oh yeah... Anyway, we have analyzed your defensive capabilities as being unable to resist us. If you defend yourselves, you will be punished.

"I don't think so. Yar, fire all weapons!"

The Relativity fired all weapons at the Borg cube, but no damage was sustained. Captain Braxton frowned. "Let me guess... You're Next Generation Borg, aren't you?"

Yup.

"Darn..."

Well, we'd love to stay and chat, but we have a Federation to assimilate. Ta ta!

"Well, you won't get very far! A huge battle fleet has been assembled at the Typhon Sector, and Admiral Picard is in command! You all know how well that went last time..."

Don't remind us... Okay, we'll go to Plan B!

"Plan B?"

Yes, we're going to go back in time and assimilate the Federation in the past! Mwahahahaha!

And with that, the Borg cube opened up a temporal gate and travelled into the past. The Relativity got caught in the temporal wake. Yar checked the sensors. "Sir, the universe is once again overrun by Avon-selling Borg! We have to go back in time to stop this from happening!"

"No, we have to go back in time and AAAAAAAAAAAAH! I mean... You're right! Follow them through the gate!"

And so, the Relativity made it through the gate right before it closed...

To Be Continued...

Next time, on Star Trek: Series ?, Kes is kidnapped by both Borg Queens while Captain Braxton attempts to stop the Borg from altering history!

------------------
"The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."

------------------
You know, you really should keep a personal log. Why bore others needlessly?
The Gigantic Collection of Star Trek Minutiae

------------------
"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.

But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."

------------------
"...he got a mind control car from a great menace named Euri and they began conquest! THE RED MENANCE~ so yuo have too fight back and destroy teh RED TIDE before it destroys the AMERICAN!!! PS: The russiens also took over Texas and thats good becuase Texans need to have robots with missales shoved up there butts anyways (texans are the worst evar)."

-JEFF K.

------------------
"It strikes me that there are enough episodes of the Simpsons that people could speak entirely in Simpsonese, using references from the show to explain or describe an endless series of situations. Nelson and Apu . . . at Tinagra.

But now I�ve brought Star Trek into it again, haven�t I. Sorry."