OK everybody, I just saw a bootleg copy of that awful movie that is SW-Ep. I:TPM.

Er, I mean, I bought a plane ticket, flew to the US, saw the movie and returned home, of course. Nah, bootleg? Me? Not my style..

Anyway, this was the most incredibly awful letdown I've experienced ever since I was born (now that was a letdown) Mesa no lika disa movie.

To make for convenient reading I'll sum up this movie in plus and minus points.

Plus points:

+er.. Pretty good spec FX, some very convincing shots among those. Many computer effects look almost real, but these looked real real. First ever movie in which I see that. Good job ILM, you can't help it Lucas gave you such an awful movie to supply FX to.
+really nice and interesting looking ship designs
+Darth Maul was OK (his style, not his looks) and made for a good fight scene
+Jake Lloyd did a good job at acting for a kid. He hardly made me cringe, more than can be said from Anakin's friends.
+It had Sam Jackson in it, and he's the king of cool.
+the cool one-eyed droids at the pod race
+Jabba the Hutt looked like Jabba the Hutt for a change, see Special edition for what I mean.
+The little rodian kid is a nice touch
+The palace guard uniforms look star-wars-y
+The sound that pod racer makes when he crashes in the cave is cool.
+the lens flares look real for a change
+Natalie Portman isn't too bad to look at :]

Minus points:

-weak story that seems absolutely trivial compared to what ensues in the following movies. Do I have to care about a trade blockade in an unimportant system? Well I sure didn't, sorry.
-The way Palpatine became chancellor is so forced and unimpressive. This movie makes it look like it's unimportant and does away with it in a few lines. *very important minus point this*
-The action begins too fast. Way too fast. Within a few seconds, we have the first dialog. Within minutes, the first fight. Not what I have in mind as a good way to build tension and expectation.
-Jar Jar. He ruined whatever was left in this movie. I couldn't understand what he said half the time (mesa no good hearing) and Lucas thought, apparently, that it was a good thing to make him do something clumsy in every scene he's in. Like everyone who's clumsy is clumsy all the time.
UP YOUR ARSEHOLE LUCAS!
-The entire success of our heroes ('hem) is based on accident. Jar Jar shoots droids. Not because he's a good marksman, but because he got his foot stuck. The control ship is destroyed. Not because our people did such a good job, but because Anakin accidentally took off, miraculously, boarded the ship (by accident) fired torpedoes (by accident) and hit the main reactor (by accident). Jar Jar destroys a whole lot of tanks. Not because he fought hard, but because he releases those energy balls (by accident) which hit the tanks (by accident). Jar Jar kills the tank commander. Not because he deliberately hurt him, but because the grenade slipped from his hand (by accident). But what I wanted to say with this, the problem is: How am I EVER going to feel those people are great, are heroes, deserved it, if everything they achieved was by ACCIDENT??! It makes them anti-heroes, and I feel little compassion for those. A very unwise step, and one that made me appreciate those people even less.

These were the most important complaints, on to some still important, but not very plot-connected ones.

-The opening crawl didn't jitter :]
-The pod race announcer was badly designed, badly executed and talked in an awful American glamour show host way. His other head spoke jibberish that sounded most like what someone says when he wants to insult African tribal languages.
-Lucas can't direct.
-The editing is bad at times
-Liam Neeson underacted in numerous scenes
-As did Portman
-All the aliens (except the trade federation "Japanese" guys) look like they were made to appeal to children, exactly what was mostly avoided in the earlier movies. Also, none of the aliens talked normal English. Instead we get stereotyped over-the-top Japanese and Yiddish accents. Watto is especially bad, he even makes stupid sounds when he breathes. Boss Nass, I'm not even talking about him. Half the time he was just talking crazy and flinging spit at the main characters. Three year-olds loved it I guess.
The most intelligence-insulting character was that guy at the pod race who looked like Droopy. He was awful, I thought I was watching a children's programme. He should have been deleted at the first design stage. He made Watto look convincing, and that tells enough I think.
-the underwater scenes. They get bitten by a fish, then hey, coincidence, the fish gets eaten by another fish, then they are chased by yet another fish, run into yet another fish, which eats the other fish. And run into another fish coincidence huh? Jesus Christ. It was one of those scenes that was put in just to let our main characters in danger to "thrill" the audience, and it held up the movie. And didn't look good either.
-reoccurring lines as a running gag didn't quite work. "There's too many of them" "I have a bad feeling about this" I mean, yawn. Move on.
-Darth Maul looked like one of those kids at a country fair who had their face done. And those horns were kitsch. "oh, he looks like satan!!" Yawn.
-Yoda had completely different facial features, which are hard to explain through just aging (cosmetic surgery?) He was also very glossy compared to the other films. I did't feel it was Yoda.

quote:

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Also, none of the aliens talked normal English. Instead we get stereotyped over-the-top Japanese and Yiddish accents. Watto is especially bad, he even makes stupid sounds when he breathes.

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I'm not quite sure just who it was that made this point, it could very well have been someone on this forum, or maybe it was someone on one of my mailing lists, but that matters not. The point stands that it makes perfect sense for an alien to not be able to speak the standard "American English". Think about it...we don't even expect all of the inhabitants of Earth to have the same accents, why would you expect that of an alien??

As for Watto, have you never met one of those people who just breathes heavily? I had one of these persons cut my hair the week before last...it was quite the unpleasant experience. Maybe it takes more exertion that he shows to keep those wings flapping?

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Maybe common sense isn't so common...

I'd say his round belly suggests a weakness for the demon rum.

I hated him...

Yet I liked the movie despite the annoying scenes and things. (Way to many fish-eat-fish world and accidental successes.) I had to see the movie a second time to see beyond the fast action pace and pay attention to the subtleness.

Not to forget, The Phantom Menace sets the foundation for the next movies, and the ones we already seen.

It could have been a little better. Where was the sexual situations, the adult language, and violence?

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"Meesa love yousa long time."

Jar Jar Binks, Vietnam, 1967.