posted
Just so you know, it's the END OF THE WORLD on Friday, 5/5/2000.
Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn all "line up" on the far side of the Sun, and the Moon will be approximately between Earth and the Sun around o4:00 GMT.
Expect the gravitational pull to cause earthquakes, tidal waves, tsunami, hurricanes, global warming, acne, dogs and cats living together, etc.
it's all bunk, of course, but if you've got a boss or teacher prone to believe in New Age pseudoscience, this could be your ticket to a 3-day weekend!
posted
Not to worry! My co-workers and I have figured out that our combined gravitational attraction (relative to Earth) is far greater than the combined pull of all the aligned planets (sure -- they're heavier, but we're many orders of magnitude closer -- inverse square law and all that...).
Our plan is simple: At the critical hour, we'll just align ourselves to counter the "evil" influence of the conjunction. Sure, this will take some scaffolding, but we have work stands and ladders, so it ought to work.
If you're alive tomorrow, I'll let you all know where to send those checks and money orders (purely out of gratitude, of course -- we're providing this service free of charge out of the goodness of our hearts!)
------------------ "The difference between involved and committed? Look at a plate of ham and eggs. The chicken is involved. The pig is committed." -- Me http://www.geocities.com/cyrano_jones.geo/
posted
If indeed we do produce enough gravity relative to the Earth in order to counteract the undoubtedly Lucifer-created unholy alignment of the celestial bodies of sin, what happens if we all jump at the same time?
------------------ "I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -Mark Twain
posted
What if all the people in all the world started shagging each other at the same time? If they reached a resonance frequency equal to that of core, mantle and crustal materials in the earth, would the earth shatter to teeny bits?
Only one way to find out...
------------------ Remember December '59 The howling wind and the driving rain, Remember the gallant men who drowned On the lifeboat, Mona was her name.
posted
Oh, I know that. I meant that not everyone would be riding at the same rate. But...enough monkies and enough typewriters...there might be something there.
I'll arrange the whole thing myself. There'll be no need for contraceptives as if my plan works as it's intneded to, there won't be an earth left, therefore no more us!
WHO'S WITH ME?!?
------------------ Remember December '59 The howling wind and the driving rain, Remember the gallant men who drowned On the lifeboat, Mona was her name.
posted
I'm still feeling burned from when the world didn't end in October as promised.
------------------ "Oh, it's an anti-anti-WTO song. It's essentially a pro-Starbucks song. I saw this picture of a guy sticking his foot through a plate-glass window in a Starbucks in Seattle, and he was wearing a Nike. Man, couldn't you just change your shoes?" -- M. Doughty
posted
And what happens if there is an odd number of people in the world? Eh? Imagine sitting in your uni room, while the people next door have sex. Now imagine EVERYONE on the floor is having sex. Now, imagine that everyone in the building is having sex. And so on.
Now, most people would have killed themselves after we got to "floor", but assuming that we do get to "the world", imagine how bad Frank will feel.
------------------ *Amusing quote not available, please call back later*
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