posted
**I feel I should warn that this is a joke and that I'm sure some people will be very upset and probably not have a sense of humor -- and should develop one before reading this if they don't already have one. Peace out!**
George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington's ghost. Bush asked the ghost, "President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised Washington.
With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn't sleep welland then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.
"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government," Jefferson answered.
Bush still couldn't sleep well, so much later on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.
Lincoln replied, "Go see a play."
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
------------------ "One's ethics are determined by what we do when no one is looking" Nugget Star Trek: Gamma Quadrant Star Trek: Legacy Read them, rate them, got money, film them
"...and I remain on the far side of crazy, I remain the mortal enemy of man, no hundred dollar cure will save me..." WoV
posted
You know....I heard a very similar one like this in Canada when Mulroney was still Prime Minister. It went something like this:
The Prime Minister (Mulroney) and his Finance Minister are flying around Canada in an airplane, when Mulroney hits upon an idea.
"Why don't I throw out a $50 bill out the hatchway....and make whomever picks it up happy."
The Finance Minister says, "Or why not throw out 5 $10 bills out, and make five people happy!"
Mulroney replies, "Or I could throw out 50 $1 bills and make 50 people happy!"
Then a voice from the cockpit rings out, "Or why not throw yourself out, and make the whole country happy?"
------------------ "The Guide says that there is an art to flying...or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Life, the Universe and Everything
------------------ "Okashii na... namida ga nagareteru. Hitotsu mo kanashikunai no ni." (That's funny... my tears are falling. And I'm not sad at all.) - Quatre Raberba Winner
posted
Heh. Okay, "now for the democratic response:"
Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven (I know it's a severe stretch of the imagination, but bear with me).
Once there, she is greeted by an Angel who explains it's his job to show her around.
After passing many wondrous things, The two of them stop by an enormous wall of hanging clocks, each with a tiny plaque underneath. Some of the clocks are stopped, some are clicking slowly, and some are ticking merrily away.
"What's this?" Hillary asks. "This is the Wall of Truth," replies the Angel. "Every human who is alive or has ever lived is represented here on this wall. Every time they tell a lie, the clock ticks forward one second."
The Angel shows Hillary a clock stopped at Midnight. "This was Mother Teresa's Clock. She never lied once." He shows her another, stopped at 2 seconds past Midnight. "This is Abe Lincoln's. He only ever lied twice."
Hillary gazes at the clocks a while, and after a moment is overcome by curiosity. "I don't see my husband's clock here. Can you show it to me?"
"No," the Angel says, "It's not on the wall, it's in Saint Peter's office. The A/C is out, and he's using it as a fan."
------------------ "My knowledge and experience far exceeds your own, by, oh, about a BILLION times!" -- Q
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Forum Member Who Shall Be Nameless. 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001
------------------ Star Trek Gamma Quadrant Average Rated 6.27 out of 10 Smileys by Fabrux (with four eps posted) *** "Oh, yes, screw logic, let's go for a theory with no evidence!" -Omega 11:48am, Jan. 19th, 2001 **** "The candidate who slimed John McCain in the primaries and smeared Al Gore in the general election is now the president who pledges to elevate the nation's tone and bring civility to our discorse. Kind of like Michael Corleone brought peace to the mob by killing the heads of the other four families." --Paul Begala, Is Our Children Learning?
[This message has been edited by JeffKardde (edited February 18, 2001).]
posted
I hope not. I'd need to invest in some new clothes with reinforced stiching, to hold my sides together when they split.
------------------ "And Mojo was hurt and I would have kissed his little boo boo but then I realized he was a BAD monkey so I KICKED HIM IN HIS FACE!" -Bubbles
posted
No. The combination of the sheer humour in thsi thread, plus the fact that a lady has walked within one mile of his home, means that we're all having to stich together new trousers for Simon. Again.
Move Zip! For Great Justice!
------------------ "And Mojo was hurt and I would have kissed his little boo boo but then I realized he was a BAD monkey so I KICKED HIM IN HIS FACE!" -Bubbles
posted
Is this how it's going to be? Whenever someone makes a joke about this Republican president, a Republican immediately has to come out and make a joke about the guy who ran against him, or the party he represented? Because it's going to be pretty stupid in 3 years time, or even 7 in the unlikely event he gets re-elected (Bushes don't seem to be good at that part).
You might have heard about this small island I live in, and how recently we saw the end of 18 years of rule by the Conservative party. Well, in those 18 years we saw a gradual, almost flukish return from a period of prolonged economic unrest, which then turned into a vastly swollen boom which became in its turn a bust that rivalled the one in which they were elected. And throughout it all you had these idiots reminding you that "in real terms" (a popular phrase of theirs)they were still handling things better than the previous administration - and this after 18 years! A whole generation had grown up and were now able to vote, who couldn't even remember thewm not being in charge, and were not expected to re-elect them because things today were better than they had been in a period that had about the same relevance to the youth of today as the Middle Ages.
So, there. A cautionary tale. Live in the now. You're SUPPOSED to take the piss out of the guys running things, whoever they are and whichever party they belong to. There are plenty of places in the world which don't have such freedoms. So relax, take a load off, and just say to yourselves "well, let's be honest here, he's no. . . *tries to think of a good Republican president* . . . Richard Nixon." 8)
------------------ "I rather strongly disagree, even if I share the love of Dick. Speaking of which, that would be the most embarrasing .sig quote ever, so never use it."
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