1:1 So God made the world and stuff, and He did a lot of stuff, see, and these people decided to write down some of the good stuff He said, or that they thought He said, or would say, and use it as a guide to life, and that was okay.

1:2 And some other folks came along and said "Hey, we want to build up our self-esteem, so let's start calling ourselves "the chosen ones," which will make us feel good about ourselves, and allow us to dehumanize our enemies, so we'll feel less bad about killing them."

1:3 And some other people came along and said "Listen, we want to set our people apart from all other peoples, because hey, we're the "chosen ones," and let's add some of our own laws to the real ones, things that will set us apart, like, we don't eat seafood, we wear clothes all of one fabric, and... um... we don't like gays. In fact, we REALLY don't like them. In fact, let's just say that God told us that they were really bad folks, and we oughtta frag 'em. Since 99.999% of the population can't read, and we priestly guys are the only people who tell 'em what God said, they'll buy it. And we'll be the Guys In Charge!"

1:4 And so they did.

1:5 And God said "Holy Me, this ain't good!" So he sent his kid down to show 'em how things should be done, with gentleness and love.

1:6 And the Guys In Charge didn't like that, so they fragged 'im.

1:7 And some other people tried to remain true to the idea, but they were only human, and couldn't stop their own prejudices from creeping back in and reasserting themselves over the centuries.

1:8 So we ended up with a value system of guilt and self-loathing, for imagined sins, and a neurosis between hating as the old ways say, and loving as the new ways tried to say,

1:9 When the only thing anybody really needs to know is that the only TRUE sin is hurting other people unnecessarily, and not being sorry about it.

1:10 Which, incidentally, is just as hard, if not harder, than obeying a bunch of ridiculous laws that nobody can prove were actually intended anyway.