Kirk and McCoy: *GASP*

Spock: Hahahaha...... gotcha..... just love these novelty items, huh?

Spock: "One moment Captain, T'Xing is about to find out that Selik is having an affair with her twin sister T'Pring while she was going through the Kolinahr ritual."

McCoy: "Dammit you green-blooded.... we don't time have time for Vulcan soaps."

Spock: "That is, as you say, not it."

Bones: "Try: Red, Black, Yellow, Red."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

Kirk: "Damnit! I need one which can play CD's..."

Bones: "I told you to go for the Mustang, I saw CD cases on the passenger seat."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

Spock: Hold on captain, I am attempting to make this device work, but it seems to be low on batteries.

Kirk: Take it with you and have Scotty fix the power problem.

McCoy: Why don't you just borrow batteries from Kirk... he has plenty of battery powered devices in his quarters like his martini stirer...

------------------
Here lies a toppled god,
His turnip not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
A narrow and a tall one.

-Tleilaxu Epigram

Spock: Please be patient Doctor, I am working to solve the problem regardeing the poor feed.

Kirk: Calm down Bones, he needs his space to work.

Spock: Ah, there, I have established a clear video feed. It seems to be video from an old Earth source....

McCoy: Do we ever receive any other kind?

Krik: Shut it Bones.

Spock: Hmm, this looks interesting.

Kirk: Is it archived footage of the devistating biological conflicts of the late 20th century? Damned Yangs and Kohms.

McCoy: Or is is film of a beautifual young woman who runs a soup kitched who needs help to cross the street only to do so would mess up the time line?

Spock: It is neither gentlemen.

Kirk: Well, what is it?

Spock: Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends

------------------
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble
~ C. Montgomery Burns

Bones: "What's a k8?"

Kirk: "It must be something small, because you can fit 28 of them in there."

------------------
Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...."
Max: "And?"
Terry: "I forgot."
Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one."
Terry: "They're all boring."

Kirk: It's not mine!

Spock: It's an earth gadget called a penis enlarger

Kirk: It's not mine!

Spock: There's a receipt here in the name of James Kirk

Kirk: Give that to me, it was supposed to be a present for Chekov.

------------------
The Worlds Ten Greatest 'Fucks' #3

What a stupid place to plant a fucking tree - Marc Bolan

Clone of Kirk: *raises right hand and gives the finger*

Bones: Cool! Try another button

Spock: Let's try this ..... *presses another button*

Clone of Kirk: Hey Baby, you and me, my quarters, right now, on the double. And that's an order.

Spock: Phase two to take over the world is now complete. Our plan is proceeding according to schedule.

Bones: For once I couldn't agree with you more.

------------------
"My Name is Elmer Fudd, Millionaire. I own a Mansion and a Yacht."
Psychiatrist: "Again."

Spock: No doctor, please have patience. I have two left to download.

Kirk: What is taking so long?

Spock: Captain, I am trying to download all of *Nsync's songs for free before Napster closes.

McCoy: Couldn't you do that when we get back on the Enterprise?

Kirk: He can't, we upgraded to Windows XP and the computer always tries to make him use Windows Media Player 7. Damn that Bill Gates...damn him to hell!!!!!

Spock: About 1Km captain. Security is minimal and I detect no shields or damping fields in or around the complex except a transporter deflector. Shall I proceed then?

Kirk: Do it. Make sure we have a clear visual.

McCoy: I can't believe you didn't just pay for the damn Britney Spears concert tickets. Are you planning to save up for the Women of Wrestling Bitch O Rama charity event next week?

Kirk: Actually I was going to buy a new captain's chair but now I will.

Kirk: Does it really work?

Device: 'All signs point to yes.'

Kirk: Amazing. I'm going to ask another question: Will I be famous for something other than an old science fiction captain?

Device:'Situation doubtful'

Kirk: Damn.

McCoy: My turn- Will I get to shack up with Nurse Chapel?

Device: 'Not Likely.'

Spock: Am I the greatest, mack-daddiest, coolest Vulcan that ever lived in the Galaxy?

Device: 'Yes.'

Spock: I think its working perfectly, Captain.

Device: 'Affirmative.'

------------------
"President Bush. It's fun saying that. Go ahead, you try." - M. Lucinsky, Spectrum Editor

Spock: Yes Captain. Hmmm.

McCoy: Well, what is it you pointy eared computer?

Spock: Fascinating. I did not know Nurse Chapel does not wear underwear.

------------------
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends?" - Abraham Lincoln

"America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair." - Arnold Toynbee

"Fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity." - Anonymous