posted
Braxton: I see that the Federation starship Baywatch is here. Hail them.
Helmsman: Yes sir.
*viewscreen opens*
Braxton: Captain Anderson, it's very nice to see you again.
*Helmsman stares to the point of orgasm*
------------------ "Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning, If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three! -Queer As Folk, UK
"What did you eat last night?" "Well, last night...I ate sukiyaki." "Anything else?" "Well, anything else...I ate yakitori." "Do you often go to movies?" "Well, I don't go very much. How about you?" "I go sometimes, but I often watch movies on television." "I don't watch television much, either." "Excuse me, do you have cheeseburgers?" "Yes, we do." "How much do they cost?" "330 yen." "Well, then, please give me a cheeseburger and coffee." "Thank you. That will be 480 yen." "When the bus stopped, we all got on in a hurry." "Are you able to eat with chopsticks?" "Hn."
Be glad it wasn't in Gaelic. I was studying that two years ago before I decided to switch to Japanese...
------------------ In this crazy world of lemons, baby...you're lemonade!
posted
Officer: Captain, look! a 1977 Original Jawa figurine with the painted model and felt overcoat! AND IT'S ONLY $188.75 ON EBAY!
Captain: That's nothing. I have the November 1977 Gold Plated C-3PO figurine with solid silver stand in its original packaging AND not a mark on the box.
------------------ "Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
Braxton: "Oh right. Uhmm.... Take a microjump into the past, and we'll do it again. We'll pretend this never happened."
Helmsman: "Yes sir. Done sir!"
Braxton: "Captain's log, stardate 447439.7, USS Relativity, NCV-474439-G ..."
Helmsman: "That's point six sir, not point seven. We went to the past, remember."
Braxton: "Ah yes! Let's do that again, shall we.
Helmsman: "Yes sir! Microjump completed!"
Braxton: "Captain's log, stardate 447439.6, USS Relavity, NCV-474439-G ..."
Helmsman: "Uhm sir, That's Relativity..."
Braxton: "Ah screw it, I quit!"
------------------ Terry: "Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, ...." Max: "And?" Terry: "I forgot." Max: "Come on, Clinton was the fun one, then came the boring one." Terry: "They're all boring."
posted
Captain: Thank you for previewing my slideshow, Ensign. Now, I want you to be totally frank: Does my bum look big in that?
Officer: Er...um...uh...
------------------ "Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
Helmsman: And here's the new "Seven of Nine-Uncovered" Web Site.
------------------ "Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years." - Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15
posted
I tried hard to resist. I really did...well, not really.
---
Helmsman: Captain, you better have a look at this sensor reading.
Captain Braxton: What is it, son? Better put it on the main view screen.
Helmsman: I don't know what it is sir, but it looks like a giant--
Person 1 (in background): Dick! Dick, take a look at this screen.
Person 2 (in background): Oh my God, it looks like a huge--
Ensign 1 (offscreen in background entering the bridge): Pecker?!?!
Ensign 2 (offscreen in background): Classic John Waters movie of the late 20th century, you must see it. Oh goodness, (Pointing to the main view screen) that's a giant--
Captian Braxton (to person seated wearing brown): Wang! Danm it man, pay attention!
Lieutenant Wang: Sorry, sir I was distracted by the sensor reading of that giant flying--
Helmsman: Johnson. Sir, Commander Johnson has identified the object. It's Sol System's enormous --
Ensign 2 (offscreen in background): Shaft. Yet another great late 20th century movie.
------------------ The negotiations have failed. Shoot him! ~ C. Montgomery Burns
[This message has been edited by Jay (edited March 20, 2001).]
posted
Captain Braxton: I can't believe that she wore that dress to the Grammys. It's just transparent plastic over a thong bikini.
Helmsman: It could be worse, sir.
Captain Braxton: How so?
Helmsman: You didn't end up drunk and sleeping with her.
Captain Braxton: And that's bad? Look at her...
Helmsman: I prefer not to, sir.
Captain Braxton: I frankly don't know what's your problem with RuPaul. I think she's a very attractive woman.
------------------ "Oh for fuck's sake, stop your moaning, If you fancy a threesome at this time of night, you can't get start getting choosey about which particular three! -Queer As Folk, UK
Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
Braxton: Shift the viewscreen to the left.
Helmsman: How's that?
Braxton: Much better. Now zoom in about 200%. God, she's a thing of beauty, isn't it?
Helmsman: Yep, never seen something so closely rounded before. And she looks pretty hot too, doesn't she?
Braxton: Uh huh. Never saw a better looking gas giant like this one.
------------------ "Or maybe he was a real quack who got sick and tired of pissing people off, and decided to get a life and masterbate for the next 10 years." - Me to Antagonist on Red Quacker, 03/08/01 20:15
[This message has been edited by Tahna Los (edited March 20, 2001).]
posted
They're Braxton and Ducane! They're Braxton and Ducane! One is the captain! The other's... Ducane! They're travelling through time! Soon we'll end this stupid rhyme! They're Braxton, they're Braxton and Ducane, Ducane, Ducane, Ducane, Ducane!
Rand and Valtane (offscreen): We'll sue for this, Braxton! Oh, how we'll sue!
------------------ "The Long Kiss Goodnight begins, more or less, with Geena Davis being kicked in the head by a deer. This was the high point of the film."
posted
Officer: Sir, I've finally done it... I've hacked into Charles Capps' sheep porn collection...
Captain: mmmmm....
------------------ "Goverment exists to serve, not to lead. We do not exist by its volition, it exists by ours. Bear that in mind when you insult your neighbors for refusing to bow before it." J. Richmond
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