The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a bombing of a Starbucks in Starbase 21. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are sitting around a table figuring out who move the cheese. During this scene, Picard complains about being married to Wendy Nuss and what a bitch she is.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must retrieve the formula that makes Starbucks coffee adictive. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data becomes alergic to coffee.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving Riker and Worf fighting for the last caramel to make Caramel Machiatto! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Barista plans on getting everyone in the universe addicted to sex by using Starbucks' formula in lube, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Ron Jeremy, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Barista, the magnificent, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Barista, the magnificent is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is actually Intersex and is confused about gender.
The crew then learns that Fornicate II is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Toxic.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf ends up wearing a T-shirt that says 'A Hard Top'. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, is able to swallow an eclair without gaging.
A little later, Crusher and Picard accidentally have sex and try not to talk about it the next day. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the nude beach full of gay hockey players. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard sleeps with a whole lot of sexy women while the doctor becomes cynical. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Fuck, is that all you're carrying cuz I've seen bigger!' Nerds in the audience think this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Barista, the magnificent has a double-headed dildo! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Fuck me, spank me, pull my hair!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Barista, the magnificent, Hale Berry and Britney Spears kiss and have sex. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Barista, the magnificent.
Soon, Riker shoots all over the Sex and the City women at their gynecology exam in Sickbay. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Seamen's Mess. Almost defeated, Barista, the magnificent, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his double-headed dildo! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Barista, the magnificent by opening the green door. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily a Sweedish exchange student saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with being married to Wendy Nuss and what a bitch she is. Picard then gives a speech about why it is good to pay an escort for sex and how to have it become a tax deductible.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
-------------------- "It speaks to some basic human needs: that there is a tomorrow, it's not all going to be over with a big splash and a bomb, that the human race is improving, that we have things to be proud of as humans." -Gene Roddenberry about Star Trek
Registered: May 1999
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Daniel Butler
I'm a Singapore where is my boat
Member # 1689
posted
Quark was cut from the final edit of Nemesis? What did he do and say? Anybody know?
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Wendy Neuss
Registered: Feb 2005
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Shik
Starship database: completed; History of Starfleet: done; website: probably never
Member # 343
posted
Jesus. Can we chip in & get Mike laid?
-------------------- "The French have a saying: 'mise en place'—keep everything in its fucking place!"
Registered: Jun 2000
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Daniel Butler
I'm a Singapore where is my boat
Member # 1689
posted
Star Trek:The Search for More Money
Written By:Dan
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see Picard cutting a line of coke. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are eating chocolate sundaes in Troi's quarters. During this scene, Picard complains about dark chocolate not being sweet enough.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must get some sweetener for Picard's chocolate. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data eats chocolate and goofily gets it all over himself.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a dead TOS character and a shuttlecraft! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that dark chocolate is SUPPOSED to be sweet, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Hoshi Sato, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Xykon, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Xykon is not REALLY that bad, because this villian just doesn't like bitter dark chocolate.
The crew then learns that Throwaway is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'rather badly.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf is discovered to have a Human fetish. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, pops out of her top.
A little later, Troi tells a dirty joke. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the beach. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, meeting a Godlike energy being. This scene is subsequently considered apocryphal. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'LEEEEROYYYY JENKINNNNNS!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Xykon has a pressure-relieving suppository! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Can't never have enough potato chips!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Xykon, the Enterprise destroys a black hole with transchronophasic interfluctuating quantum tachyon beams...modulated to a subspace frequency. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Xykon.
Soon, Riker shoots at an errant birthday cake. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Smoke Cloud. Almost defeated, Xykon, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his pressure-relieving suppository! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Xykon by cutting him open; nailing his intestines to a tree; and leading him around the tree as his intestines unwind and are wrapped around it. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily Troi(!?!?) saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with dark chocolate not being sweet enough. Picard then gives a speech about Napster and copyright infringement.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a refrigerator opening. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are drinking warm apple juice. During this scene, Picard complains about his impotence.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must buy Windows Vista. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data has sex with a cylon.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a Federation fleet retaking Deep Space Nine! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that Shin Meat is building a giant enema bag, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Seven of Nine's cleavage, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Shin Meat , the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Shin Meat is not REALLY that bad, because this villian missed too many episode's of NBC's Heroes.
The crew then learns that Trantor is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'I Touch Myself.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf has violent diarrhea. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, swims naked in chocolate ice cream.
A little later, Doctor Who makes a joke about Daleks. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the nudist retreat. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Picard chest is shaved. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Poppycock!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Shin Meat has a Toaster Strudel ! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Shin Meat , Riker pulls a rabbit out of his ass. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Shin Meat .
Soon, Riker shoots at Spot the Cat. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Taco Bell Rift . Almost defeated, Shin Meat , in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Toaster Strudel ! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Shin Meat by giving him a wet-willy. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily his mother's lesbian lover saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with his impotence. Picard then gives a speech about how Windows Vista sucks.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
posted
Well, geeks, porn, duh! Did you expect anything more (or less)?
-------------------- I have plenty of experience in biology. I bought a Tamagotchi in 1998... And... it's still alive.
Registered: Apr 2005
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The Mighty Dwarf from Outer Space
Ex-Member
posted
Star Trek:The Borg Strike Back With The Help Of The Dildos
Written By:Mighty Dwarf from Outer Space
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see an assimilated chair exploding. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are on a holodeck fighting teletubies. During this scene, Picard complains about having a short "phaser rifle".
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must Blast the damn Borg Pyramid. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data eats a soup with a knife.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving The Enterprise destroying THE BORG PYRAMID with an dildo torpedo! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that that Borg King want's to assimilate Vulcan after he watched "Vulcan Love Slave III" , and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Dax, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Borg King, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Borg King is not REALLY that bad, because this villian is a virgin and he doesn't want to.
The crew then learns that Vulcan is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'The Eye of the Tiger.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf cries because of a papercut. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, kicks Picard's fat ass.
A little later, Vulcan's run around and sing Broadway sogs. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the forge desert. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, find Spock on a jungle planet. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'Son of a donkey and a...p'tak!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Borg King has a asimilation super dildo! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'Eeee... were are my pants?!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Borg King, The Enterprise fires dildo torps. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Borg King.
Soon, Riker shoots at Worf's mirror reflection. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called Bongo Bongo. Almost defeated, Borg King, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his asimilation super dildo! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Borg King by firinga dildo rocket at him. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily NoName#47 saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with having a short "phaser rifle". Picard then gives a speech about dildos.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
posted
The film opens with some credits that make the audience's eyes hurt.
After the credits, we see a Romulan ostrich race. This confuses the audience to no end.
Next, we cut to the Enterprise. Throughout the movie, the ship interiors are filmed too dark to see things clearly. On the Enterprise, we see the TNG crew. They are making sushi. During this scene, Picard complains about bad service on airlines.
There is an incoming hail, where Picard is instructed that Picard and the TNG crew must pick up a quart of milk and tampons, as they're the only ship in the sector. Thus, beginning their mission.
When they arrive at this mission, Data replaces his head with a George W Bush mask.
This scene abruptly switches to a scene involving a thumb-war! This scene could have been very action-packed, but is very short, unfortunately.
Later on, Picard finally finds out that he can save a lot of money by switching insurance companies, and thus the plot of the film finally begins.
As the crew work toward resolving this plot, a member of the TNG crew talks to Michael Jackson, though this person doesn't really help anything.
Then, Michael Buble, the film's obvious bad guy, is revealed. But Michael Buble is not REALLY that bad, because this villian wishes he were Frank Sinatra.
The crew then learns that Endor is in grave danger! They must come to the rescue!
While they are working on this rescue, Data sings 'Fuck the Police.' The audience groans.
A little later, Worf listens to Celine Dion. This ticks off many Worf fans in the audience.
Later on, Troi, who had nothing else to do in the film, flashes the helmsman.
A little later, Data is confused as to the use of toilet paper. The audience doesn't laugh, however.
Trying to resolve things, Picard and his Away Team beam down to the Mogadishu badlands. Which looks almost cinematic, but not quite.
Crusher and Geordi do absolutely nothing for the duration of the film.
Soon, Data tells Picard not to grieve. This seems verrrry familiar to the audience, for some reason...
Then, for no reason, someone in the film says 'aw, poopy!' The audience pretends this is cool and edgy.
Finally, the crew discovers that Michael Buble has a Vulcan blow-up doll! This makes the situation very dangerous!
In reaction to this, one of the crewmembers says 'I'm Rick James, bitch!!' ...even though this makes no sense.
In their attempts to stop Michael Buble, the crew beam down to a strip joint. This looks really cool... but doesn't stop Michael Buble.
Soon, Riker shoots at a Romulan ostrich. But this doesn't help anything.
There is a final showdown in a nebula called The Well of Repetition. Almost defeated, Michael Buble, in a fit of rage, attempts to activate his Vulcan blow-up doll! Time is running out, so Picard beams over and attempts to stop him.
Eventually, Picard violently and mercilessly kills Michael Buble by playing hip-hop. Picard is almost killed in the process, but luckily common sense saves Picard at the last moment.
Later, Picard contemplates on what has happened. As a result of this mission, Picard has resolved his problems with bad service on airlines. Picard then gives a speech about the importance of diversifying investment portfolios.
The TNG crew then beams back to the Enterprise, which warps off into space.
The TNG theme plays on the soundtrack.
THE END
-------------------- "Brave men are vertebrates: they have their softness on the outside, and their toughness in the middle" -Lewis Carrol
Registered: Jan 2005
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