posted
as some of you might remember, my girlfriend of 3 years who i poured my soul into and thought i'd be with the rest of my life cheated on me and left me. obviously this has not been an easy thing to me. what is most perplexing is that the advice i've gotten from my friends who have been through this isn't coming about. supposedly, it will get better soon (since i'm so young and all) and that the more i try to occupy myself with other things the better it will be. ain't happenin. it's been a month since she left, and i'm suffering actual physical pain. every time i do anything it reminds me of her. i have no motivation anymore, and i don't enjoy any of the things i used to. i feel isolated from my friends, and i'm lonely even when i'm in a crowd.
the thing that pisses me off (i mean other than having my whole world destroyed) is that i'm supposed to grin, bear it, and just be glad that she's happy. well fuck that! she obviously wasn't willing to do the same for me. she gave up a happy, stable relationship for the chance of slightly more happiness (which i guess she has achieved) and i'm left with nothing. i also wish the dumb bastard had confronted me like a man instead of sneaking with her. yeah, it might have been ugly, but at least i would have been able to have taken myself out on someone. i wish she had just fucking shot me in the head. what the fuck am i supposed to do? despite the good intentions of my friends, nothing has helped. if anyone here has ever been in this kind of situation, does it truly get better, or am i just starting on a long road of pain? my friends tell me that i should just forget her, and that even if we got back together the relationship would never work because the trust would be broken. i don't give a shit about trust because i want her back more than anything i have ever wanted. but i know that if we got back together again and this sort of thing happened again that there is no way i could bear it a second time. to know that she is in the arms of another person, doing the things that she used to do with me, sharing emotions with someone else. i can't stand it. it makes me physically ill. how can women be so cruel? how could she accept my heart and soul and then just casually dump it like a fast food wrapper? how could she pretend that i was the only one for her when she was seeing someone else? how could she lie bold in my face when our relationship had always been based on trust? what the fuck did i do wrong? i have no answers for any of these.
i have no way of resolving anything, so it just eats at my guts all day, every day. and every day it gets worse. i guess that the shock has worn off. i thought i was so lucky, finding the "one" at 18. now i wish i had never been born. i had no idea this would blow up until it happened. why am i here if i am just going to be miserable? maybe i should go see the psychological services here at my university. if this doesn't get better soon, then i don't know what the fuck i'm going to do. if it's going to be like this for the foreseeable future then i don't know if i want to live. i'm sorry to spout all this out here, but i don't know what the fuck to do, and none of my friends are giving me answers that work. this forum has one of the largest collections of smarts i know of (with a few flareites being exceptions) and i was hoping you people could help me come up with something. once again, i'm sorry to burden you with this.
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posted
You know... you say you want to get over it. But the funny thing is, since this problem is entirely in your mind, the trick to getting over it is nothing more than that: WANT TO. Thus, you're current problem is that you DON'T want to. This girl you're pining for? She doesn't exist. She's an idealized fantasy based around what you thought your girlfriend was. You KNOW that this girl didn't care about you, and yet you wish she did. Ask yourself WHY? WHY would you want this girl, who doesn't care a whit about you?
Believe me, man, I have been EXACTLY where you are. The only thing that saved my sanity was that I knew what I wanted, and that I realized that the girl was NOT it. Remember, three basic questions (if I may palgerize JMS):
Who are you?
What do you want?
Why are you here?
Answer them, and the rest will follow.
-------------------- "This is why you people think I'm so unknowable. You don't listen!" - God, "God, the Devil and Bob"
Registered: Mar 1999
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Ed / BWC
Ex-Member
posted
This happened to Coti once. Listen, there is no reason to make your life miserable over her. You need to put things in persective. If she would do this to you, she wasn't worth it. So get over her and move on with your life. Just because some idiotic girl comes in a acts like a crackhead and goes with this loser she seroiusly has problems. Coti, after being dumped by Cassie, did these things I'm tellin you, and he now earns more than the Jack, me and Jim combined. He is the hope and savior of Middle of Nowhere (at least Lorenzo says). It shouldn't make you sick, ok, ok, maybe for a bit, but it shouldn't interfere with your personal life. Hope this helps.
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I was with my g/f for less than sixth months. Most of that time, we were at opposite ends of the state, since she went to school out-of-town. After she dumped me, it took a few months before I could even think about seeing someone else, and a few more months after that before I could seriously consider doing it. And, now, one year, one month, and twenty days later, I still can't pretend to be completely "over" her, though I can deal w/ it.
So, yeah, after thre years together, if you were back to normal after a month, I'd be more surprised than I've ever been by pretty much anything. All I can say is that, when they tell you it does get better eventually, they're right. But it takes time. Possibly a very very long time.
BTW, just so everyone knows, I don't actually count the days since my g/f broke up w/ me. I just know the date. I calculated the figure above just now.
Registered: Mar 1999
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The Real Folk Blues
Ex-Member
posted
i just talked to erin for 2.5 hours. i feel better now, i guess. but i think she feels terrible now because i let her know how much i sacrificed for her happiness, and i think that she realizes that the person she is with now isn't going to do those things. i just hope she finds what she needs.
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Ed / BWC
Ex-Member
posted
Well, if she attempts the I made a mistake I love you angle Cassie did with Coti, dont fall for it. As he said ' Git out o my life'
posted
"Cassie did with Coti, dont fall for it. As he said ' Git out o my life'"
I love you. You make me happy.
Registered: Oct 1999
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Da_bang80
A few sectors short of an Empire
Member # 528
posted
Probably better off without her. A buddy of my sister just broke up with some wench about, oh, it was about a month an a half ago. She sucked him dry when it came to cash. (and only cash, he says ) then when he tried to break up ith her cause she bought a TV with his cash (she didn't even ask him this time), SHE exploded at him. He got so mad he physically threw her out of the house and laid charges of theft She just finished her last fine payment last week. The moral of the story is, "if your girlfriend is eying your pocketbook instead of you. It's time to get the hell out of there." You may think i'm a psycho or something, but the only real thing to ease a broken heart is sweet, sweet revenge. Any kind of revenge. The best is posting "certain" pictures of them on the net. I have a story about that but it's completely irrelevent. I was cut off by this whore at school. her name was Jannelle. When I asked her about it she told me I shouldn't have been riding where she was. That really pissed me off. I talked a friend of her boyfriends into getting me a picture of her drunk at a party, with a big bottle of Vodka, and a Joint in the other. I mailed this to her parents and they where so mad that they moved out of the province and I never saw her again. I bet that if she ever found out it was me who sent that picture to her parents, she'd come back here and run me down. That is the story of the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. That was over two years ago. But now that you've talked with her i don't think revenge is in your future. Oh well, I guess I can find someone else to corrupt and alienate.
-------------------- Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept. And the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
posted
It is trite to say, and ultimately of no help at all, but things do fade with time. Which would be great, if we were all living in tomorrow, and not today.
It's still true, though, and I think Tim is quite right in pointing out that you shouldn't expect to be anywhere near recovery days or weeks later. You have every right to be depressed for awhile.
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
It is trite. But, as things often are, trite = true. Or at least, more often true then not.
Try not to dwell on it. Go to the gym. Go for runs. Get yourself a new hobby to do something with the time and money you previously invested in a girl.
Registered: Sep 2000
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The Real Folk Blues
Ex-Member
posted
i don't want a new hobby. i want erin back. she wasn't some kind of psycho bitch, who used me and then moved on. she decided that i was not giving her what she needed, and that she needed someone else. i hope she is happy with her choice. she was my world.
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posted
Yeah, but, er, I don't think you're going to get Erin back. And you need something to take your mind off her, at least until some time has passed so the wound is no longer as serious.
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Only problem w/ that is the fact that, no matter what you try to do, your mind will still wander back to her. Especially if you're doing something like building castles out of Legos. Not exactly something that requires full concentration...
Registered: Mar 1999
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The Real Folk Blues
Ex-Member
posted
i haven't managed to find anything to take my mind off of her. in fact, pretty much anything i do reminds me of her. she helped me organize my legos, so i don't think building with them is a good idea .
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posted
Find some local daycare to volunteer at. Kids are great for taking your mind off things. Of course, I suppose that that might be a matter of individual personality, but it works for me.
-------------------- "This is why you people think I'm so unknowable. You don't listen!" - God, "God, the Devil and Bob"
Registered: Mar 1999
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![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) then when he tried to break up ith her cause she bought a TV with his cash (she didn't even ask him this time), SHE exploded at him. He got so mad he physically threw her out of the house and laid charges of theft She just finished her last fine payment last week. The moral of the story is, "if your girlfriend is eying your pocketbook instead of you. It's time to get the hell out of there." You may think i'm a psycho or something, but the only real thing to ease a broken heart is sweet, sweet revenge. Any kind of revenge. The best is posting "certain" pictures of them on the net. I have a story about that but it's completely irrelevent. I was cut off by this whore at school. her name was Jannelle. When I asked her about it she told me I shouldn't have been riding where she was. That really pissed me off. I talked a friend of her boyfriends into getting me a picture of her drunk at a party, with a big bottle of Vodka, and a Joint in the other. I mailed this to her parents and they where so mad that they moved out of the province and I never saw her again. I bet that if she ever found out it was me who sent that picture to her parents, she'd come back here and run me down. That is the story of the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. That was over two years ago.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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