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Further reasons why we Americans seem so strange to others:
What we have learned from movies
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while SCUBA diving.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
When they are alone, all non-native English speakers prefer to speak English to each other.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
------------------ I came home the other night and tried to open the door with my car keys...and the building started up. So I took it out for a drive. A cop pulled me over for speeding. He asked me where I live... "Right here". -- Steven Wright
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30: The young farmer who has never handled a gun before will always make direct hits, while 20 trained sharpshooting soldiers will miss every time.
------------------ Jeff Raven - Having more fun than any human being should be allowed to have
------------------ http://frankg.dgne.com/ Quintesson: "You are the Autobot named Kup. You are Cybertron's chief of security." Kup: "Nah, my name's Teaspoon, and I'm Cybertron's chief dishwasher."
------------------ I get to drive against real drivers, one of whom is named Dick Trickle. I think that explains why that gentleman went into the world of high-power automobile combat. A lifetime of taunts, no doubt. -- James Lileks
[This message was edited by Baloo on April 20, 1999.]
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33. In any fight scene, the bad guys will attack the hero one at a time.
34. Any action film set in or around San Francisco, California will incorporate a chase scene a) in Chinatown, b) on the hills of SF, c) both
35. Anyone falling from a high place will land on stacks of conveniently placed cardboxes, none of which contain solid objects.
36. In an action movie, any second-rank character nearing a wedding, birthday, or retirement is marked for death.
37. Half [if not more] of all serial killers are sharp-dressed computer geniuses.
38. In an action movie, the more beautiful a woman is, the more likely it is that she is an expert in hand-to-hand combat, helicopters, and demolitions.
39. Whenever possible, pistols should be held sideways.
40. In any "buddy picture," the more the two characters hate each other at the start, the more likely it is that they will save each other's lives by the closing credits.
41. Never steal anything small. Jet-setting international cat-burglars or heavily armed terrorist groups must never settle for any amount of money less than their own weight.
42. Any local paper will have a story about a recently killed character on the front page, no matter how unimportant that person was in the local area.
42a. At any time a radio is turned on, a "special news bulletin" will interrupt the regular program to provide us with vital information that couldn't possibly wait until the regular news segment.
43. Whenever a character is down to one last bullet, arrow, or air-to-air missile, he is guaranteed to hit.
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45. There is a ramp behind every parked car, so a crashing car will jump over it.
46. Computers don't use Windows or another common OS, user surfaces have giant fonts, a 1.44MB disk is sufficient for any data volume, the data is read out and displayed letter by letter, a compatible program is always available and runs without any problems, and moreover it starts as soon as the diskette is inserted, the bad guys always have very simple and obvious passwords, not requiring more than three guesses.
47. It is possible to zoom into ordinary videos without losing resolution.
48. The bad guys always leave the keys in their cars, so the hero can steal it and escape.
49. The bad guy always hesitates to kill and gives our hero a last chance.
50. Evil Americans have German names, good Americans have Irish names.
51. If a longer absence of a character is required, he/she flies to Europe (i.e. to Paris).
52. Every action movie reveals the existence of another new small country in either Western Africa, Eastern Europe or Central America.
53. Children say nothing but "Yes, Mum" or "Yes, Daddy" all day.
54. Everyone working on a computer wears glasses.
55. The age of a man is proportional to his professional experience, and it's vice versa with women.
56. Any attractive woman involved in a criminal case conceals something, but turns out essentially not guilty.
57. American cars have a double security system: fire the airbag in a normal crash, fire the fuel tank in a fatal crash.
58. If the hero is in urgent need of a car and finds one, it is either tiny, slow, old and rusty, or it is big, fast, brandnew and expensive (but not for long).
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59. Breakthroughs in science and technology usually take place in high school courses.
60. If someone quotes a phone call, this takes much more time than the call itself.
61. Time dilatation occurs if a bomb is about to explode.
62. There's always a red wire and a blue wire.
63. All young female inhabitants of California not fulfilling the requirements of >1,78m, several silicone implants, tanned skin and long blond hair are locked up in a secret place.
64. Every boy has the following items in his room: a football, an aircraft model, a triangular school team banner pinned to the wall 30� oblique, a baseball collectible card, a basketball team poster, a telescope.
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