posted
Of course its bashing, coming from me, but funny none-the-less.
Target: The Clintons
A Kentucky Fried Chicken location in New York had a special on what they were calling the Bucket of Hillary - two small breasts, two large thighs and a bunch of left wings.
One of the nation's largest soup manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, Clinton Soup, that will honor one of the nation's most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this year.
When Clinton was asked what he thought about foreign affairs, he replied: I don't know, I never had one.
If you came across Bill Clinton struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?
Chelsea asked her dad, Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time? Bill Clinton replied, No, some begin with 'After I'm elected'.
Clinton's mother prayed fervently that Bill would grow up and be president. So far, half of her prayer has been answered.
American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so full of crap he can't fly.
Clinton only lacks three things to become one of America's finest leaders: integrity, vision, and wisdom.
Clinton is doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.
Revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Ay *ahem* I second that. LOL what about the one with the chicken or the hog in the middle of the road. Oh, now I remember ... it goes something like this:
Bill Clinton and his driver were driving down a country road in Arkansas one night when the car accidently hit a pig. Feeling it was his responsibility, the driver got out of the car and decided to tell the farmer accross the road.
When the farmer answered the door, the driver said:
"I'm Bill Clinton's driver and the pig is dead."
Well, at hearing this the farmer went into a fit of ectasy. The farmer went back into his house exclaiming "the pig is dead!" Before the driver knew what was happening, he shoved gifts into his hands. Offered his daughter in marriage ...
------------------ -Small Computer Systems Interface "Scuzzy" Emperor
Operator of the Goulag Hotel, maintainer of the workhouses.
A scene that was cut from last season's "Rock" episode, Tsumkatse: Rock: Do ya smell what the Rock's cookin'? Janeway: Mr. Rock, was that you? Tuvok: An intriguing smell ...
posted
Oh, I thought this might be about the actual tribute to Clinton they had a month or so back. Robin Williams got on stage, and started using the foulest language imaginable. "I sent some Viagra to Newt as a birthday present. He only got taller." That was one of his less offensive comments. And this was a TRIBUTE to Clinton! Rather appropriate. Then he notices the little girl in the front row. "Oh, there's a child in the audience. Hello, little girl. Learned some new words tonight, haven't we?" And he keeps going!
------------------ "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw
I can't wait until this whole election shit is over... It's damned annoying. You don't hear half as much crap over the prime minister election. Which should be coming up soon...
------------------ "The kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you; not in a building of stone or wood. Split a piece of wood, and I will be there. Lift a stone, and you will find me." -The Gospel of Jesus, Stigmata
posted
Here's something you can laugh at. This guy is actually running for governor here in Missouri. Well, actually, the primary was Tuesday, and I'm sure he didn't make it past that, but it's still interesting. Make sure you read his platform... :-)
------------------ "Me, Grimlock, not 'nice dino'! Me, Grimlock, bash brains!" -Grimlock, Transformers: The Movie
------------------ "The things hollow--it goes on forever--and--oh my God!--it's full of stars!" -David Bowman's last transmission back to Earth, 2001: A Space Odyssey
quote: 3. Stop enforcing state and federal personal income tax. The whole federal personal income (and payroll) tax is well known to be illegal; so are the state taxes dependent on the federal compulsory informant system.
4. No member of the "bar" should be a judge. Abolish the "bar". In all professions, replace required licensure with recommended certification.
5. Have real elections, with ballots manually counted in public view on site. Abolish all "campaign finance laws".
6. Only taxpaying men may vote or hold office. The 19th Amendment exceeds federal authority.
7. Fathers have custody of the children. Abolish divorce property settlements and ex-wife support (lyingly called "child support"); these are bills of attainder.
8, Let the people have purer water. A government epidemiologist found that fluoridation is causing infertility, and published his finding in a peer-reviewed medical journal.
11. Segregate the prisons. White men should not be raped by black men. See Missouri Constitution, Article 1, Section 21 and U. S. Constitution, Amendment Article 8.
------------------ "...I was just up in Canada, Toronto actually. You know, they really hate you guys [Americans] up there? The funny thing is, they think you hate them back, when in fact, you just couldn't be bothered to care. Now in Ireland, it's a different story. At least we had the common decency to wait until the English invaded before we started hating them. I guess the Canadians are hating you in advance..." -Irish Comic Ed Byrne on Canada-US relations
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Did you notice he considers the UN flag "foreign"? If the US is part of the UN, but the UN is foreign, how come, since Missouri is part of the US, the US isn't foreign? :-)
------------------ "Me, Grimlock, not 'nice dino'! Me, Grimlock, bash brains!" -Grimlock, Transformers: The Movie
quote:6. Only taxpaying men may vote or hold office. The 19th Amendment exceeds federal authority.
I agree with that. Ending women's suffrage has been a big issue for me. If women weren't able to vote, Clinton would have never gotten into office. And that's reason enough.
Everything else is a little to right-wing extremist for me. But I've seen worse.
------------------ -Small Computer Systems Interface "Scuzzy" Emperor
Operator of the Goulag Hotel, maintainer of the workhouses.
A scene that was cut from last season's "Rock" episode, Tsumkatse: Rock: Do ya smell what the Rock's cookin'? Janeway: Mr. Rock, was that you? Tuvok: An intriguing smell ...
[This message has been edited by SCSImperium (edited August 13, 2000).]
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