posted
Ironic that Winamp should choose to play "All You Need Is Love" as I read this. But I switched to Radiohead�more appropriately depressing.
Anyway, to the people who suggesting going out and finding another girl... I would point out that, after a breakup, it's not necessarily easy to consider the prospect of a different relationship, even if it isn't serious. I suspect that, after three years, it would be nearly unfathomable (at least, if it were me).
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
I agree with Tim. (first time for everything)
But what I wouldn't do either is let her think you're just going to mope around until she makes up her mind. How to do that? Best to just end it now (as convincingly as possible, so if she does come crawling back she knows she'll have to do exactly that - come crawling back). It'll do your self-respect no good at all if she thinks she's got an easy option if her preferred choice doesn't work.
posted
My 1st wife (divorce final 5/10/02) and I were together from 10/26/90 to 9/??/97.... She left for some guy she met through ICQ or a matchmaker.com site... I don't remember the exact day, cause I spent at least a week drunk after she told me she wanted a divorce....
Suicide crossed my mind, shit I had planned our years together.... Obviously that idea didn't last long, or I have one hell of an internet connection....
I now have Jane, very special to me, a total opposite from everything I have had before.... She is great!!!
But to find her it took time, 31 years to be exact... The first 2 failed, badly, but I have a habit of never giving in or up....
I suggest the same to you, it isn't easy, it isn't pleasant, and it damn sure isn't any fun... but you keep on going....
That started to sound like a Meatloaf song....
Find a girl you like, even a little, and go out on a double date with your semi-x.... That should make for a few laughs....
Good luck, stay strong, and keep looking for the best in your life....
-------------------- "You are a terrible human, Ritten." Magnus "Urgh, you are a sick sick person..." Austin Powers A leek too, pretty much a negi.....
Registered: Sep 2000
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Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
Edipis.
Skip her. She's not worth it.
A person who decides to "shop around" is not one to be with. I think of it this way: I could break up with my present girlfriend in order to "shop around" for someone who could be better, but after "shopping around" and realizing that my girlfriend is the perfect one for me, she may already be someone else. And even if she is still available, I have lost all credibility with her.
Three years is a long time. I feel for you. But you will eventually find someone perfect for you. Someone who won't shop around like Erin did.
-------------------- "And slowly, you come to realize, it's all as it should be, you can only do so much. If you're game enough, you could place your trust in me. For the love of life, there's a tradeoff, we could lose it all but we'll go down fighting...." - David Sylvian FreeSpace 2, the greatest space sim of all time, now remastered!
Registered: Mar 1999
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EdipisReks
Ex-Member
posted
well, i told her this evening that if she decided to go and be with this person, that i wouldn't take her back if she decided that she wanted to come back. her decision was to stay with me, because she said it wasn't worth losing me forever (why she didn't come to that decision before she ever decided to tell me about this, i don't know). i guess i will just have to take this one day at a time and see what happens. i love Erin very, very much, and i don't want to lose her. however, i don't think that she is worth ruining my life over if this kind of thing happens again. hopefully, this was just her evaluating the comitment that she had made. as Sol System said, questoning long term comitments is common, and hopefully that was all this was and it won't happen again. only time will tell, i guess.
i really appreciate the understanding and advice that i got from everyone. thanks a lot.
quote:as Sol System said, questoning long term comitments is common, and hopefully that was all this was and it won't happen again. only time will tell, i guess.
You also have to look at WHY questioning long term commitments is common, even in very loving relationships. When a couple is constantly together for an extended period of time, their identities tend to blend and they may lose some sense of their own person. The other person sort of becomes an extension of themselves and therefore taken for granted. It sometimes actually helps if they stay away from each other for a while. I've heard of marriage sabbaticals where (usually) the wife goes on a solitary vacation for anywhere from a week to several months. They always come back rejuvenated and more loving toward husband and kids, more appreciative of them. Basically, being away from your other half (if you've been together for a long time) helps you appreciate the role they play in your life instead of taking them for granted. Therefore, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Does that make sense?
posted
It makes the pigs fly around your head faster, too.
-------------------- "I was surprised by the matter-of-factness of Kafka's narration, and the subtle humor present as a result." (Sizer 2005)
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
All I have to say is that she's not ready for a commiment such as marriage, and that she would like to be 'free' in relationships until the day when she wants to get married. Whether that being a week or decade from now, you should dump her and actually enjoy yourself a bit single.
My girlfriend and i know that on Setember 10th, we have to break up. I will be in the Navy for four years and another four afterwards in college. She and i both know that is a too long of a long distance relationship. But for now agreed to have fun, while we are still young.
You are only 21, and if she feels the need to shop, then you might not be what she wanted in life. I suggest you break up and do not rebound. Wait a while.
-------------------- Matrix If you say so If you want so Then do so
Registered: Jul 2000
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-------------------- "You are a terrible human, Ritten." Magnus "Urgh, you are a sick sick person..." Austin Powers A leek too, pretty much a negi.....
Registered: Sep 2000
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quote: well, i told her this evening that if she decided to go and be with this person, that i wouldn't take her back if she decided that she wanted to come back. her decision was to stay with me, because she said it wasn't worth losing me forever (why she didn't come to that decision before she ever decided to tell me about this, i don't know).
I shall now abandon my normal cheery disposition and become all pesemistic like:
While this is good news, are you sure she's going to be 100% in this relationship? Obviously everyone, no matter how committed they are to their partner is going to have some thoughts, wonderings about what else might have been, but if this girl is going to spend all her time thinking "I wonder if things would have been better with that other lad", then all you could be doing is postponing the inevitable.
In short, did she change her mind because she wants to stay with you, or because she's afraid to lose you? Over time, those two things will have very different results.
-------------------- Yes, you're despicable, and... and picable... and... and you're definitely, definitely despicable. How a person can get so despicable in one lifetime is beyond me. It isn't as though I haven't met a lot of people. Goodness knows it isn't that. It isn't just that... it isn't... it's... it's despicable.
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
That is a point, but I would suggest against thinking too hard about it at this point. If you start feeling like you can't trust her, the relationship is going to be ruined anyway. For now, I'd assume this was just a one-off incident. Don't start worrying about it unless it happens again.
Registered: Mar 1999
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