posted
Talk to her? Interesting idea, I'll have to try it sometime. Usually she talks, I grunt at appropriate pauses. . . 8)
I'm not sure we're ready yet to go down the "what-if" route yet. I have been taking pains to stress the future plans, however. More of the wedding-day vein though; Graduation here means doing so from university, and we just end up panicking about tuition fees instead!
Dialysis could be an option but it's not a lot of fun (one of our friends' dads is undergoing it at the moment). Otherwise, both her mother and sister have offered themselves as donors.
But she's just tired of being a medical case all the time. She's been through a lot, she figures karma owes her a thing or two at this point. So far, amazingly, she somehow manages to view falling in love with me as a positive event in her life. . .
Being the sick one in my relationship (though I'm going through nothing compared to what your wife is going through...) I can tell you what it is that I just long for from my signifigant other when I'm scared.
I want support, love, and for him to tell me that no matter what, he's going to be there for me through the long hall. I want him to remind me how tough and strong I am, because when I'm down, I forget how much I've come through and how much more I can still endure. I want him to tell me it's going to be okay, even if he doesn't know for sure himself, because positive thinking is the MOST important part of all of this.
For the most part he does well, but sometimes when my health suddenly does the big 180 like it's done in the last few weeks, I can tell that he gets a bit overwhelmed and I have to remind him that I don't expect him to be that "Alpha Male" and make my health problems vanish, but just do the little things have can do to make me feel better.
Right now, one of those little things is that he's started giving me injections of my medication every morning so I don't have to be hospitalized. That's be an.... interesting.... experience, but it has benefitted both of us.
I know you and your wife aren't ready to have the "what if" talk, and I can totally respect that. Maybe right now isn't the best time or place. But know this - couples around the world have to have that talk every day, regardless of health, due to the fact that death can come at any time because of crazy SUV drivers and other unplanned reasons. Maybe, when you DO have the talk, if you focus it more on planning for the future because BOTH of you can be involved in an accident or situation that will cut your life short at any time, that will seem more normal and it will be easier to do.
I wish you luck with all of this. I can't imagine the pain that both of you are going through and I only hope that things do get better from here. I know that you love this woman dearly, and she loves you, and that right there is a blessing in and of itself. Hang in there and take care.... my heart goes outto you.
~Liz
-------------------- "You are anal twattypoo who has ruined my good mood" PsyLiam to TSN May 01,2006.
Registered: Mar 1999
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Swedish is on my list of fun places I may visit sometime soon in my never ending quest to end these horrific migraines.
It's much closer to Mayo, and I've heard better things. I'm VERY anti-Mayo, myself.
I'd love to email you, but I didn't have all of the required information for the form, so I wasn't able to... I hope all is going well!
~Liz
-------------------- "You are anal twattypoo who has ruined my good mood" PsyLiam to TSN May 01,2006.
Registered: Mar 1999
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Cartman
just made by the Presbyterian Church
Member # 256
posted
I don't know a lot of people who ARE good with death, if that helps. (Well, except undertakers, but they're in a grave business anyway.) But I do know that fixating yourself on it won't. Just... be there for her. As others have said, that's all that can really be asked or expected of anyone.
Registered: Nov 1999
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Shik
Starship database: completed; History of Starfleet: done; website: probably never
Member # 343
posted
I am.
-------------------- "The French have a saying: 'mise en place'—keep everything in its fucking place!"
Registered: Jun 2000
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Da_bang80
A few sectors short of an Empire
Member # 528
posted
It makes me sad to know that many of the people here, many of whom I consider role models and people I can really learn something from, have so many health issues. I wish there was something I could do other than offering you my best wishes.
It really makes me feel guilty being in relativly good health. (about as healthy as a 21 year old asthmatic smoker with the beginnings of chronic arthritis.) Although the weather's starting to turn cold again so that's playing havoc on my fucked up elbow. But that's nothing compared to what you must be going through.
Once again I offer my best wishes and my hopes that everything turns out all right for you.
-------------------- Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept. And the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
Shik
Starship database: completed; History of Starfleet: done; website: probably never
Member # 343
posted
I suffer from radical hair loss.
-------------------- "The French have a saying: 'mise en place'—keep everything in its fucking place!"
Registered: Jun 2000
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Da_bang80
A few sectors short of an Empire
Member # 528
posted
As do I. I'm considering shaving it all off. Since I don't put much stock in any of the hair loss remedies available.
-------------------- Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I cannot accept. And the wisdom to hide the bodies of all the people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
posted
My preceeding and receeding hair lines have met and discovered that they liked each other enough to expand the family. Now the hair is migrating to other areas which are already over crowded.
Well, we now know that she is indeed a very sick woman, if her view of you is such. 8)
Lee, all to often people talk to each other, but do shy away from the heart of the pressing issues, i.e, the 'what ifs'. If she feels like a burden to you an near useless to your daughter, in her present condition, these day dreams may well be about lifting that burden from your shoulders. When the fantasy gets to the point where she feels the current burden out weighs the pain and anguish you and Lula will feel at her loss she could very well just give up the fight. This is where LOA's words step in on the positive reinforcement of your love and concern for her.
-------------------- "You are a terrible human, Ritten." Magnus "Urgh, you are a sick sick person..." Austin Powers A leek too, pretty much a negi.....
Registered: Sep 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Lee: But she's just tired of being a medical case all the time. She's been through a lot, she figures karma owes her a thing or two at this point. So far, amazingly, she somehow manages to view falling in love with me as a positive event in her life. . .
I so sympathize with that. I also feel Karma owes me a break to two...and almost four years of this shit is enough already!
It's great that she has you there for her- believe me: there's a lot of stuff you can say to your love that you just cant mention to your family or even close friends. Intimacy allows for more secret sharing- your understanding probably does a lot for the whole bonding process.
-------------------- Justice inclines her scales so that wisdom comes at the price of suffering. -Aeschylus, Agamemnon
Registered: Aug 2002
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And your support means more to her than the support of anyone else does, I'm willing to bet.
You're in a though spot. So is she. It's SO hard being the sick person, there's no doubt, but people often forget how hard it is to be on the other side of the illness as well. Who cares for the caregiver? As you are being the support and the pillar of strength, who is there to reinforce you and tell you that everything you are doing is right?
From what you've said and the things you've aluded to over the years, you have been an amazing husband and companion to your wife. I don't think you give yourself the credit you deserve for that. So many people would have turned and run by now... if you look at her history, there may very well BE friends or family member that just couldn't take her illnesses anymore and DID turn and run. That's a difficult thing to endure, but it's something that you have never done. This Speaks volumes for you as a man and as a husband.
I'm glad you told us what you are dealing with right now, because it IS a heavy situation, to say the least. I do want to help you, but alas, I cannot fix it. My words of hope for brighter days and new beginnings will only go so far, and I'm well aware of that, but I do want you to know that you're doing a great job, and that you have every right to feel tired, frustrated with the situation (the illness, not your wife, I understand), upset that she's so ill, or anything else that you feel. This is completely normal, IMHO.
As for your wife, she sounds like a real trooper, but I'm sure she has her down days as well. I don't blame her.... I think anyone would, but from what you've said, she's a true fighter who has handled all of this with more grace and courage than most people would be able to muster. I give her props for that... she truly deserves them.
Please take care and just try to just be there for her. It's important though not to forget about yourself... we don't want you to lose Lee in the shuffle! I hope things turn around for both of you soon in this difficult situation... you've always got a sounding board here at Flare *hugs*
~Liz
-------------------- "You are anal twattypoo who has ruined my good mood" PsyLiam to TSN May 01,2006.
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
Without knowing a whole lot I will admit that I could be way off target, as I am looking at worst case I truly hope that I am.
At the risk of sounding like a parrot I will say I agree with Liz, and add that I will offer what support I can to you.
Keep us updated.
-------------------- "You are a terrible human, Ritten." Magnus "Urgh, you are a sick sick person..." Austin Powers A leek too, pretty much a negi.....
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
On the brighter side of things, my daughter is now home asleep in her own bed. No more IV, no more hospital gown that's ridiculously oversized, no more hospital bed (although the room did have a nice view!). She's not completely over her virus, but the bumps and blisters have mostly faded, and she did start eating yesterday. It was actually kinda funny - I ordered her some applesauce (that she usually loves) so that it would be easy on her blistered throat, and myself a sandwich and Doritos. She completely refused the applesauce, but snagged the bread from my sandwich and then started eyeing my chips, which she ate with no problem. Kinda strange when you're happy to go hungry.
posted
That's good. Kids' culinary tastes defy logic. Last night we gave Lula a soft-boiled egg for dinner, but when she saw Kate take the top off the egg, she burst into tears! She cried for ages, absolutely inconsolable, before settling down and enjoying bits of bread dunked in.
quote:From what you've said and the things you've aluded to over the years, you have been an amazing husband and companion to your wife. I don't think you give yourself the credit you deserve for that. So many people would have turned and run by now... if you look at her history, there may very well BE friends or family member that just couldn't take her illnesses anymore and DID turn and run. That's a difficult thing to endure, but it's something that you have never done. This Speaks volumes for you as a man and as a husband.
For the most part her friends and family have always been supportive. Of course, there were the acquaintances she'd made on holiday in Greece, who suddenly avoided her like the, er, plague when she got meningitis, effectively leaving her to die in her rented villa/apartment. She lay there and screamed for days and no-one came. Only her sheer willpower got her up and to the airport bus for her flight home, abandoning most of her luggage in the process, and managing to look normal enough to get on the plane without being rushed off and quarantined in a Greek hospital where she'd never have left (trust me, I've been in one too).
(And then she went straight into hospital in the UK, where they gave her medication without putting it on her chart, then gave her more (ignoring her when she said she'd already had some), resulting in an overdose which has left her with occasional seizures)
THAT'S how strong she is, all by herself; getting her to realise that I was there for her, that she didn't have to do everything on her own, took a long time. . .
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