But as soon as I hear a phrase like "The Lord Jesus Christ" (especially two times in the same paragraph, which I hear a LOT) come out of a "layman's" mouth, (and he's not cussing,) or worse, "literal creationism," all my overrides kick in, the screens go up, the blast doors close, and I go into "dealing with diminished capacity" mode.

I'm trying to stop thinking like that, at least for the sake of my girlfriend, whose family is Catholic (although she thinks most of them are as nuts as I think they are.)

It's hard though. In the past year I had to deal with a woman who was mad there were no Bibles in the Children's room (there were, she was just too dumb to read the card catalog to find them), two strict creationists who were mad about the abundance of books on dinosaurs, and one guy who said, and I quote, "you know that Star Trek episode, Preemptive Strike? Well, that's what the Russians are gonna do this June 20th." (I found out later this guy had been "let go" from his teaching position for preaching from "Revelations" in the classroom.)

So is it any wonder?

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WHO ARE YOU?

As if Russia can afford a preemptive strike.

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"I came upon a wedding, good old families had contribed.
Bethlaham the bride-groom, Babylon the bride.
Great Babylon was naked, ah she stood there trembling for me.
And Bethlaham enflamed us both, like a shy one at some orgy.
And when we fell together, all our flesh was like a veil.
But I had to draw aside to see the serpent eat its tail.
Some women wait for Jesus, and some women wait for Cain.
So I hang upon my alter, and I hoist my axe again.
And I take the one that finds me back to where it all began.
When Jesus was the honeymoon, and Cain was just a man.
And we read from pleasant Bibles, that are bound in blood and skin,
But the wilderness is gathering all its children back again."
excerpt from the song "Last Year's Man"
By Leonard Cohen.