1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.
Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN

::Mumble, grumble ... German car my fuckin' ass, Jeeps won the war, dammit ... grumble::

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"I do prefer the arse, but you can't dismiss the leg. They're joined at the hip, so to speak."

So, there's this plane ... aboard are a doctor, a lawyer, a priest and a little boy.

Well, yes, of course there's a pilot! That's just a given!

So, the plane starts developing some engine trouble. The pilot goes back and says, "Sorry, guys, we gotta ditch."

He grabs a parachute and jumps.

Problem: only 3 parachutes remain ...

The Doc says, "I save people's lives, so I must live!" he grabs a chute and jumps.

The Lawyer says, "I'm the smartest man on Earth! I must live!" he grabs a chute and jumps.

The Priest says, "I've lived a long life. You take the last chute little boy."

The little boy shakes his head. "Not to worry. The smartest man on Earth just jumped with my backpack."

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Star Trek Gamma Quadrant

Continuing to boldly go ...

Oh, and please don't call me a European. In fact, don't call anyone from the UK a European. I'd almost rather have Omega's "Brittain" than that.

The Scots, we keep the sabbath... and anything else we can lay our hands on.

The Irish, who don't know what they want, but who are willing and eager to fight for it anyway.

The Welsh, who pray in church on Sunday, and prey on their neighbors the rest of the week.

The English, who claim to be a self-made people... which at least absolves God of the horrible responsibility."

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"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ty Kwan Leap. Approach me, that you might see." -- The Master

Is it just me, or are people like them one of the very reasons that everyone else in the world mocks the US? :-)

-How 'bout those europeans, huh?
-Yeah, eating them snails and froglegs.
-What? I thought they ate kidneys, livers, fisheggs and soup made out of blood.
-Nonono, snails, squid and beer mixed with honey and milk. And rotten herring. And they sleep in the middle of the day, when they should be working.
-Was it really Europe you went to?
-Hell yeah!