posted
Good God, trickychops, they sold you the whole package, didn't they? That's an insane amount of work. Here're Lee's handy tips on getting married. . .
First of all, if you think that you won't be properly married unless you do the full monty (not the strip act, mind) then maybe you need to question whether you're getting married for the sake of it, or because you really want to marry yer feeoncee.
Next, to minimize parental interference, threaten to elope unless you do things your way. Don't use this tactic lightly, it's the nuclear option, but you'll know when the time comes to deploy it. For us it was when my Mum, not convinced by our plan to have a buffet reception at a local Tapas bar, said she'd call round a few of the local country-house hotels. Now, we were buggered if we were going to all sit round little tables and be fed half-cooked veg on silver service by schoolgirls in black skirts doing their Saturday job.
Location can be important. If you believe in God, then good luck to you, you can go off and do the whole church bit. This also comes into play if the bride-to-be is determined to get married in her local church in front of 150 friends, relatives and people you've never met but her parents want to impress. That's the traditional way.
For us, neither of us came from London, but it's where we met and where we lived (in sin, BTW). So that's where we got married. Early plans to get married in Greenwich registry office (v. photogenic, Greenwich, we thought) came to nothing when we found out that the RO is actually in the middle of a shopping precinct in Woolwich. So we ended up at our local RO, Waltham Forest, which was set in lovely grounds in a former cottage hospital. Nice wedding room, too, with seating for 45. Which brings us nicely to the guest list.
If you're a shallow person who is desperate to impress everyone you've ever met, then 45 people isn't going to cut it. But if that's the case, then as I've already said you're on your own. For us, 45 seemed more than ample until my Dad pointed out that a lot of his relatives from Scotland would want to come. In fact we didn't have a problem with them being there, it just never occurred to us they'd make such a long trip for, well, me. Then it became quite a struggle to fit everyone in. You next tip, then, is this: if one or other family starts quibbling because they want more of 'their' people to come, and start targetting you and your betrothed's mutual friends, then split the list down the middle, get all your family on one side, and as many of the friends you can; and deduct a similar amount from the other side of the list. Give the remaining list of places to them and say "There, that's your lot." Let them stress over who to invite!
You can use more than personalised wedding vows to express yourselves in your wedding plans. As mentioned, we had out reception in a Tapas bar. No arranged seating, we booked the whole place (it was somewhere we went often and the owner, she did us proud), made sure there was something on the pre-arranged buffet menu for everyone's tastes, and everyone had a great time. In the evening we moved on to a local cricket pavilion, had another buffet and a disco with another hundred-odd guests coming. That's the one thing I'd have done differently - either not bothered with the party, it was a bit of an anticlimax; or had a live band, dixieland jazz or something to get everyone up and on the floor.
Wedding outfits. Kate had a proper wedding dress, with shoes, tiara etc. I bought myself a new designer suit (black, of course - all my suits are black) and matching ties for me, best man and two ushers. The two bridesmaids - the hell with those horrible-coloured outfits - each had a navy-blue velour trouser suit. Flower-girl and page boy (my cousin, her nephew, respectively) got little outfits. All these roles were pretty useless in the context of a registry wedding but they were there because they were members of our family or circle of friends who we wanted to be involved.
Photographs: TAKE CONTROL. Scope the outside of wherever you get married, spot suitable locations, make a list of groups you want snapped. We were at another family wedding and my Mum and I were watching the husband of one of my cousins, who's a wedding photographer and was doing the honours. Mum was kee for us to use him. He proceded to snap every possible combination of guests in five separate locations. The photographs took two hours! Mum never mentioned using him again, my best man doubled as photographer and the results were excellent.
We had a brilliant wedding and don't regret any part of it. And the cost! Stuff the average-wedding-costs-fifteen-grand lark, our wedding (not counting clothes) cost two thousand pounds for reception (food, drink, champage during start and final toasts), party-hall hire, party buffet and disco. And people still rave about what a fun time they had. I hate weddings, so much so I was intending never to get married at all (until I met someone who I wanted to marry): but our wedding was the best one I've ever been to. And that's the way it should be.
posted
Congratulations, Aban! That's terrific. I realize I'm not invited or anything, but I must admit that I'm highly curious to see the invitation. You could put a void watermark on it to prevent counterfitting...
Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Definatly you and your fiancee need to have control. And none of this male thing of leaving the wedding all to the women! It's your day too! Most important is the music selection. Our first dance was to Paul Weller!
Actually my Dad suggested we elope to Greta Green (first stop on train into Scotland, the Marrage laws are slightly different). What I didn't realise was he wasn't joking!
Sometimes I think my cousin had the right idea: Registry office, only parents invited. The groom took the car for it's MOT in the morning, and they were back at work later in the afternoon....
-------------------- Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...
posted
Lee, you're smashing because you think like me. And who wouldn't want that?
The wedding will likely be in the winter. I know it will make it harder, but I don't care. I'm not going to drag the engagement out for 8 months so we can get married in the Spring. We'll be getting married in either her congregation's Kingdom Hall, or mine. Photos will be somewhere around there, likely, and will be done before the ceremony. I'm NOT waiting around afterwards.
Parental involvement, I promise you, will be nill. I will ensure this by doing the following: discussing everything with her and making our plans before any details are revealed to anyone. We will then hand them a list and say, "This is what needs to be done. You may help, or not." The next time I see her mother, firm instructions will be given not to buy/speculate about/make plans for/discuss anything involving the wedding until she receives said list. I am saving the nuclear option and will likewise discuss with my bride when deployment is appropriate.
I have no desire to have a large number of people attend. My rule of thumb is, "Those who showed an interest in me while I was single are welcome to celebrate my wedding with me. Those who ignored me, shall be likewise ignored." So I'm trying to find a balance between needlessly offending people and compromising what we want. The balance falls right about at the place where those people start costing me money that I could be using to buy naughty lingerie.
Outfits: She wants a wedding dress, which is fine, as she's a quite sensible shopper. I will be wearing, like Lee, a new black suit. I despise rental tuxes and would sooner go nude than rent one. I'll get a great new dress shirt and vest to go with it and that will be that.
The invitation: Right now I'm thinking I'd like to do a movie poster. I had originally wanted to do it fully illustrated, like a Struzan poster, but I think it will take too long. So I'm leaning towards photographic with cool Photoshop manipulation. It will have a title and list myself and my bride as the stars. All the small info at the bottom where the director, studio, stars, etc. are listed will be the actual wedding information. We can ship it in postal tubes with a matching label. RSVP cards and envelopes will be tucked neatly inside. No one will ever throw them out.
Oh... and as an added touch of wicked coolness... I'm going to burn copies of the wedding's "soundtrack" with a cover that matches the poster and have them available for select reception attendees.
2) I also don't like owning things 2b) especially reminders of people's happiness (see: the 1988 Olympic Opening Ceremonies video that I got for being a member of the Canadian Arc Ice Sled team, even though I was a reserve and was prohibited from marching down the oval.)
Also
It is a neat feeling when you discover you might not die alone. So shake your butt, draw your neat pictures and have fun whilst marriaging.
(Also, note: don't get like, some snotty film kid to film your wedding on the hottest day of the year, because I am fairly sure nobody likes sweaty dorks at the front of the church wiping themselves as they stare empty-eyed into their terribly shot, poorly-illuminated misrepresentation of the budding couple's most special of days.)
Registered: Oct 1999
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-------------------- "Who cares if we bomb a few hospitals, it just means we got them a second time" Warrant Officer Robert Clift, CVN-71 OEF
Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
I've been happily married since May of 1999, and I married one of the last good ones. Looks like you got one, too.
Keep your wedding simple. Stress free is the only way to go.
-------------------- The Fedora Chronicles News related to The Golden Era Update every day: World War II - Music - Art Deco and Style - Classic Movies, Science Fiction and Film Noir � Space Exploration- Vintage Cars � Social and Political Commentary.
Registered: Jun 2005
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-------------------- Twee bieren tevreden, zullen mijn vriend betalen.
Registered: Oct 2000
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Saltah'na
Chinese Canadian, or 75% Commie Bastard.
Member # 33
posted
quote:Originally posted by LOA: CONGRATS!!!! I'm so excited for you!!!!!
Now if I could only figure out how to get a man to propose to me, my life would be perfect, as well......
~LOA
*raises hand*
-------------------- "And slowly, you come to realize, it's all as it should be, you can only do so much. If you're game enough, you could place your trust in me. For the love of life, there's a tradeoff, we could lose it all but we'll go down fighting...." - David Sylvian FreeSpace 2, the greatest space sim of all time, now remastered!
Registered: Mar 1999
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"One day, you will find the man of your dreams. He will be everything you've ever wanted in man: caring, thoughtful, passionate, supportive of your car audio/video fixation, and always willing to let you nail him in the Lads."
Too bad he'll be so obviously gay...
Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
I'm afraid that when it came to invitations, we just got them from Marks & Spencer. They did wedding ones and party ones, so we had two types. I've never bothered to keep any of the wedding invites I've received, except for the most recent one we were invited to, for my best man's wedding in Poland. For which we were given eight months' notice, plenty of time to find some really cheap EasyJet tickets. Also, plenty of time for them to discover that getting married in the Polish Catholic church isn't as easy as they'd imagined, requiring them to 'postpone' the wedding. Leaving us with non-refundable tickets to Berlin.
I'm keeping this invitation for a reason. A reason that will soon see my friend assured of a place in the surgical history books. But then, given he's so far into the closet he's found the Christmas presents, he'd probably enjoy it.
An old school friend has co-authored a book called "alternative stag do". May be only avaiable in the UK.
A friend of mine on his stag weekend (Didn't go myself) in the Chec republic had to dress up as a woman (including heels, fake boobs and wig), walk down the high street and go into a shop and buy lipstick. Several things worry me about this: 1: he enjoyed it so much he stayed dressed like this the whole weekend 2: His friends knew his size to get the clothes. 3: His father and father in law were with him on the stag weekend.
On my stag weekend we went paintballing. I was forced (honest) to wear a dress at gun point . Not a nice camouflage number, but something in pink and blue. For the rest of the afternoon I was the red shirt decoy, running in one direction whilst the rest of my team ran the other. Would have worked if any of us could shoot strait
That evening, brused, we went to the old school disco in London. That was fun
-------------------- Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil...prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...
posted
Czech, but I only point this out because I'm thinking that someone should write a story about or open a mid-scale box store named the Chic Republic.
Registered: Mar 1999
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